Monday, December 31, 2018

Good Bye........... 2018

In less than 24 hours for everyone it will be New Years Eve and 2019 will be here. I would like to reflect on the 2018 year with you.

I'm not sure how your 2018 went but mine had ups and downs like everyone else. Except I am not everyone else.

As each passing day went by my health  has deteriorated more. More pain, more suffering, much more health problems. Way more than I thought. I ask myself every this it? Or is more health problems going to arise?  And then it does. I am not going to go into detail about how shitty my health is. What is the point. Almost no one cares. So why mention it.

In 2018 I have seen the absolute best in people and sadly the absolute worst. I have seen with my own eyes humanity at its finest with not only us helping the homeless but many others. Which definitely helps restore my faith in humanity. And then I see the absolute worst which just happened the other day and I am still sick about it.

What I continue to learn is that I am not a victim of my health problems but a far. I try everyday to keep fighting despite my will to live is getting lower. I am still positive. I am still wanting to do things in life but as my health gets worse, I no longer have good days. Only hours.
That is the gods honest truth. I can't change my health. I can only change my perception of health. I see so many get wrapped up in it, I personally find getting out of my head space when I am not hurting bad to help others. I find it beneficial to me and the people I help. It gives me more purpose on my day.

Christmas Day the eve of, we went out for the 3rd or 4th time in the last 2 days handing out HOPE bags to the homeless. I was feeling so sick, I wasn't well. But I remember this one fellow who has 1 leg in a wheel chair facing the wall covered in blankets like a Tee Pee on Christmas Eve. Sleeping in the cold Then I think what in the fuck am I doing home when there is people who need help.

For some its easier to write a cheque. I get it. Not everyone wants to interact with the homeless. I get it. However the problem doesn't go away. And unlike many many many charities every dollar you give only cents actually go to the homeless. This is why its so important to me that we help them directly because its 100% contributed to the homeless.

Now helping the homeless might not be your thing to volunteer but doing something for the greater good of mankind is beneficial. I never ever want to be remembered for all the pain and suffering I have endured over my life. I want to be remembered for someone who inspired others to help people. That is the legacy I would like to leave people with.

This year has educated me on people as well. The fakes, the frauds, the sincerest people being the best that they can and the worst in people. I know some days I see through rose colored glasses and think everyone is honest and sincere when they are not. Just users. Take what they can get from ya and disappear. Some times its not a loss, its a lesson. It is all part of growing. I am just as responsible for being used and discarded. That is ok. I only gave to people knowing that I never anticipate the return kindness. But a thank you goes a long way. I learned. I grew.

I also learned a valuable lesson. Ask someone something once. Not twice not 3x, but once and if they avoid the question, chances are they are to much of a coward to answer the 1st time and forget them and move on. Waiting for an answer that is never going to come is a waste of energy and time.

I learned now matter how much I gave to certain people it became expected of me to give more. I put a stop to that. I help those who can't help themselves. ie: the homeless. Here  is some advice. Give nothing to anyone who can provide the same thing for them self. Those who actually need it, need a hand up not a hand out.

Here is a quote I posted last year when I was on fakebook" I will visit all the people in 2018 who visited me in 2017". And I did just that. But I also did not visit anyone who didn't take the time to contact me either. Someone said to me this year..."Tom , where ya been? and my answer was " Where have I been? I'm sick your healthy, I am sorry I fail to understand the question". I didn't say that with any malice in my heart just the reality that I am very sick and home alot. So if you see me out, chances are that is the best I have felt so I can get out.....So for 2019, Ill be visiting the same people who came to see me in 2018. Truth be known, I see more Doctors in a 2 week period than I seen my friends in an entire year.

I get really annoyed at people when I used my handicap parking pass and I get dirty looks because I am not in a wheel chair. Sometimes the pain is so bad but I have to get out to get food, meds etc that the ONLY part of my day is managing going to the store and getting...bread, milk, etc. The pain i my legs and back or head is so bad I hobble along. But because I dont look sick people just assume I am fine. An the days I feel better I am the first to park int he back 40 and walk as far as I can because I lack exercise when I hurt. Please do not think for a nano second I don't take my parking permit seriously.
I would rather never ever have to use it.

My wife and I are my fathers care giver and some days are rough taking care of pops when my wife is at work, but we try our hardest as we have help from no one. Everything is on me and my wife. No help. Even my dads health has failed this year and has changed his life tremendously. But we work together as a team and manage best we can. I think about me being dads age. No help from one one but me and my wife and what will happen to me in my golden years if I even make it that far.  Where is my help? After I am gone, people will have to live with that guilt, but not me.

My wife and I had some great days together this year. We started or shall I say I started to get more into nature and away from other things. I have really really enjoyed that this year. Connecting with my wife enjoying the out doors. Its been really great. I really enjoy spending time with her. If you see any good in me chances are it is a result of my wife. She is the kindest person I have ever met. She truly inspires me to be a better human being everyday and she is never offended about what comes from my word hole no matter how many jokes I sling that day.

I was able to contribute a HUGE donation to clusterbusters. A non profit foundation in the USA for cluster headaches. We did a charity fund raising walk for them. I donated 235 Cluster-Suicide Headache decals. 10 were autographed by a rock star drummer who is a headache sufferer I donated those to auction off for the foundation. And 225 decals for the conference I gave free. It was very important for me to make sure every single person got one. With my YouTube channel and all the awareness I do, it helped pay for the decals. What people do not realize is the decals cost me between $5-$6 each. I only make $706 a month so do the math. Plus I have mailed hundreds of decals over the years paying for every stamp and envelope out my pocket. I dont ask for money. I gave these away. Out of the 235 decals I gave to the conference guess how many thank you's I Not one. I also mailed over 100 decals around the world to people. It adds up. Whoever has one, enjoy it, there will not be more.

Its been a crazy year for celebrities. I remember Jonathan Torrens aka J Roc tell me once not every celebrity you meet is NOT what you expect. He couldn't be more dead nuts on correct. I actually got to hang out with some celebrities this year. Some super" A" list famous some just  famous in their own heads. And Jono was dead nuts correct. One guy was just an absolute GOOF. Just a complete asshole. So self absorbed and rude.  And and the super star A lister was nicer than I hoped.After 30 seconds I forgot he was that star and just thought of some guy I was talking to. I dont have an affliction for famous people. I just appreciate what they do. I don't call celebrities heroes unless they are Gord Downie, Michael J Fox or Terry Fox. To me, those are Heros. The reason I educate celebrities on the disease and what I do is because there platform is huge. What they can say in 1 tweet, facebook or instagram in a nano second is way larger than I can ever do. So why not? If I tell 1000 people what CH is, I be lucky if 2-5 people get told the story. If a celebrity tweets something from me. I get 20,000 hits in hour. Something I cant do in a year!.And for that a very special thank you to Mike Smith aka Bubbles and Russell Peters. 2 Canadians I am proud to have nano second with.

Every year when I write an end of year blog I usually have some goals and expectations. And I do. I hope and pray we can double our HOPE bag goal from this year. Eventually my ultimate goal is helping everyone for 1 day. That everyone gets a HOPE bag. But its super expensive. Its around $32 approx for each hope bag. There is 203 beds at the Center of Hope (Salvation Army) here in London Ont.

My goal is to find a doctor in the world to help me.I do not know how but I am going to try. Things are not looking good for me.

In the last 365 days I ave learned who and what matters more. Who's is around and who is not. That I have moved on and moving forward and waited longer than I should have.

In 2019, I won't wait any more, I won't give to those who can help themselves and give more to those who can't. I won't waste energy on things and people that do not matter. And give myself to those who do matter.

If you are struggling. I believe you. Don't give up and make a permanent decision to a temporary problem.

No stupid resolutions.Just personal growth is what I strive for. We can all learn to be a bit more forgiving and giving. The interaction you have with people even just for 1 min can affect someone forever.

This video may not be what you are called on to do but at-least let it inspire you to help others. Happy New Year

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