Wednesday, May 26, 2021

You reap what you sew

So My wife and I been in Nova Scotia for over a year now. It was a year December 24 on Christmas Eve.

I left London Ontario without any hard feelings, resentments or feeling of ill well to those who done me dirty. Sorry. There is none. I actually left with peace. 😀

No one can take away peace. its like loving yourself. No one can MAKE you miss them, love them or feel bad you are gone.

My days are filled with gratitude, and happiness. I go to bed with grace. And repeat daily.

I hope you find solice and peace in your life too. Be well. cause we are doing fucking incredible!

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

My dad.... May 10,1941 to April 20,2020

 I been trying to think today of what to write. I am filled with incredible emotion of great sadness and gratitude at the same time. My father passed away today, 1 year ago.

I guess todays blog is for me. Its all part of the grieving process and healing. I really had a tough time when my mom died and rightfully so. Like anyone, loosing a parent you love and cared for is deeply sadnening. I cried every single day for a year when my mother passed. And have done the exact same thing for dad. Eventually in time those tears turned to smiles when I think of my mother. I dont think I am anywhere near it now with dad. Time will tell.

My folks came from Switzerland(Originally Germany) when they immigrated to Canada on Canada Day July 1,1967. They came with my older estranged brother, my mom and dad and $25 to their name getting off the plane.

Prior to that. Dad grew up in war time. He vividly remembered the Nazis, the kind Americans who was kind to dad and the appreciation for a life in Canada when they arrived.

My father had quite the work history from starting out apprenticing in Germany at hotels that were castles. taking care of dignataries, presidents and so forth. His career switched to being an airline Pursor for CP Air. God, he loved flying but eventually gave it up to be home with his family. He then switched to selling cars. He held the record for two years straight with the highest sales in Canada. Selling over 370 cars in 1 year. In 1977 we moved back to Ontario where dad started selling cars again but soon hired at GM Diesel Division in London Ont. Where he worked until he went on permanent disability due to throat cancer in 2000.

Dad built Buses, Locomotives and even Terex trucks.He hated the job, as it was a hard factory life. Not the white gloves he was used to wearing. It paid well and allowed us to have a good life. He did it for us. NOT HIMSELF.

In 2000 dad got cancer. Throat cancer. He had to make a decision but asked my thoughts. He decided to persue having a full lyrengectomy. They removed his entire voice box. Already haveing 1 lung, emphizema didnt help him and made the rest of his life very difficult. Dad was often made fun of, starred at. Dirty looks, snears and comments from IGNORANT FUCKS who have no clue what he was dealing with. He constantly struggled with his health. Many days he tells me he wished he has not had the surgery but he beat the odds and lived 20 years as the life expectancy was 5 years.

My father and mom loved on another deeply and in a way I only understood after moms passing. He struggled badly with her loss. They are together again, home in heaven. This gives me peace.

My father had an increidble life. Met many celebrities, been around the globe 26x. and loved to travel, fish and CNN. 

Dad was very proud, and  happy for our life in Nova Scotia. I sincerely wished he could have seen it before he passed.

Dad, Kristen and I miss you terribly. Loosing you was the hardest thing we have had to live with. You were more than a dad, You were wisdom, compassion and the most generous person. Your memory will live in us every day. There are not enough words to express my grief. How sad we are but we are at peace and I owe that to you. I love you dad. Rest Easy xoxo

This was the last time I seen my dad alive in person and last time I hugged him alive.

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Advice for caregivers, spouses, family and friends who have a sick person in their life.

 When was the last time someone you cared about got a cold or a flu? When you heard did you say sorry you are sick or I hope you feel better soon. Right? What about a sick person who doesn't get better? How do or should people around that sick person support the sick person? Well here is my 2 cents.... coming from a person who is sick.

The person you know, the person you care about is now sick or has been battling and finally diagnosed. What to do? How do you help? 

1. The persons disease/ailment/pain/disability is NOT your fault so dont try to compensate as it is.

2. Care for that person as YOU would wish to be cared for. With compassion, empathy and love.

3. Treat the person like you normally would. Treating the person as an invalid isn't beneficial to anyone suffering,

4. Do not abandon the person. If your friend is unreliable. Meaning they leave early, arrive late or cancel it is not their fault. They didn't not show up intentionally. They are fighting a battle you know nothing about .KEEP INVITING THEM

5. Ask questions. DO NOT ASSUME, Every person who is struggling with something is fighting this them self. Your version may be completely different from the suffering they are experiencing. Telling the person I had that once most likely isn't what the person is experiencing.

6. If you can't deal with it, tell the person. Living or being around a person who is sick is not easy. The sick person may have mood swings, pain you couldn't remotely comprehend, and fighting a battle you know absolutely nothing about.

7. Don't offer advice. As much as you 'mean well" telling a person with an incurable disease that drinking more water is the answer to a cure is probably gonna get you a black eye or a middle finger.

8. Think if what this person is experiencing in their life, how greatly their life has been disrupted. Inability to work, do social activities, just trying to bear one more day in pain and suffering. Do not be judgemental. If you see the person having a good day being active. Support it. Don't say "well I seen you at the mall or park, you must not be sick. No we have good days and make the absolute most of good days. That doesn't mean we are cured, healed or better. Most likely if you seen the person at a store or out, is that they are having a good day. 

9. Isolation. Probably the worst. Even more than living with a disease or pain. Being ignored, forgotten, abandoned is the absolute worst thing you can do to a sick person. Don't know how to deal with it? Imagine being the sick person having to deal with it....suddenly your feelings of " I cant bear to see the person suffer" doesn't mean jack shit. Man up. Be a human being not a fucking coward who doesn't have the kahunas to see a sick person in your life.

10. ADMIT you do not know, understand or get to the sick person, ask questions on how to be beneficial, remain in their life and offer support, compassion and empathy. Leave your opinions at home.

If you have read this far. Know someone going through a tough time, These tips may help instead of hinder. I speak from personal experience.

It took 1 person to care about me to get me better when others didn't care I was even breathing. 

I write this with great gratitude for the people in my life. Love you all.