Monday, January 23, 2023

My Last Blog......

 50 years old looking back at what I have gone through in life. 

I now look toward the future. I don't see my blog in it. Today. social media is filled with people dancing in their kitchens (shriek) for views, people who haven't hit 20 giving life advice (eye roll), hatred towards others, conspiracy theorist over vaccines, aliens and other shit you find on the internet.

I would rather devote my time to positive things to enrich my life, further my life skills and do the best I can everyday despite the challenges I face in my life with physical and mental health. 

For most of my life I've had health challenges, some life threatening. For 38 years I suppressed childhood trauma. Thinking the more I buried it, the less of a problem it would be. And I was deeply wrong. I continued to have other traumas in life. Some that alot of people go through, some only a handful on this planet have. And one persons actions opened Pandoras Box and the flood gates of hell opened. 

The PTSD I have been dealing with had gotten bad enough it was affecting my will. Treatment/Therapy is helping and I have the skills and tools to try and live the best life I can. Traumas happened. That will never change. Nor will having PTSD. But its kind of like grief in a way that you learn better to live and cope with.

The tools they give you to teach yourself have helped me get through dark dark days. This by far was the hardest thing mentally I have gone through far surpassing brain surgery awake. It was and is hard. 

I've learned a great deal that C-PTSD is 100% personal. Other will rarely get it or understand. And thankfully they don't. I do not wish PTSD on anyone. 

Once a year Bell Canada does a #BellLetsTalkDay which in the past I have even tried to help but honestly its bullshit. I made a video last year saying don't forget the other 364 days a year.  Which everyone has. Another survivor of PTSD discussed with me how its a Feel Good Day for others. They post support for 1 day and that's it.  I couldn't agree more. I am not saying everyone but a large portion. FI do count my blessings and very grateful for treatment. Many get none. For some its too late.

I have gone though some things in life. Bunch of diseases, bunch of brain surgeries, pain and suffering that was inhumane and torture. Mental ware fare for 38 years. Life on life's terms. I always and continue to give 110% in what I do. Its the OCD in me. My wife and I are in great peace. We are madly in love with each other and really love living here. I start my days with gratitude. Even if its a bad day. I do not wish to live in misery. I just am living my best life. I wish the same for others.

Be kind, you never know what someone is going through in life.

Pain Free Wishes to those suffering mentally and or physically.

Thanks for reading all these years.

Hold On Pain Ends