Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Advice for caregivers, spouses, family and friends who have a sick person in their life.

 When was the last time someone you cared about got a cold or a flu? When you heard did you say sorry you are sick or I hope you feel better soon. Right? What about a sick person who doesn't get better? How do or should people around that sick person support the sick person? Well here is my 2 cents.... coming from a person who is sick.

The person you know, the person you care about is now sick or has been battling and finally diagnosed. What to do? How do you help? 

1. The persons disease/ailment/pain/disability is NOT your fault so dont try to compensate as it is.

2. Care for that person as YOU would wish to be cared for. With compassion, empathy and love.

3. Treat the person like you normally would. Treating the person as an invalid isn't beneficial to anyone suffering,

4. Do not abandon the person. If your friend is unreliable. Meaning they leave early, arrive late or cancel it is not their fault. They didn't not show up intentionally. They are fighting a battle you know nothing about .KEEP INVITING THEM

5. Ask questions. DO NOT ASSUME, Every person who is struggling with something is fighting this them self. Your version may be completely different from the suffering they are experiencing. Telling the person I had that once most likely isn't what the person is experiencing.

6. If you can't deal with it, tell the person. Living or being around a person who is sick is not easy. The sick person may have mood swings, pain you couldn't remotely comprehend, and fighting a battle you know absolutely nothing about.

7. Don't offer advice. As much as you 'mean well" telling a person with an incurable disease that drinking more water is the answer to a cure is probably gonna get you a black eye or a middle finger.

8. Think if what this person is experiencing in their life, how greatly their life has been disrupted. Inability to work, do social activities, just trying to bear one more day in pain and suffering. Do not be judgemental. If you see the person having a good day being active. Support it. Don't say "well I seen you at the mall or park, you must not be sick. No we have good days and make the absolute most of good days. That doesn't mean we are cured, healed or better. Most likely if you seen the person at a store or out, is that they are having a good day. 

9. Isolation. Probably the worst. Even more than living with a disease or pain. Being ignored, forgotten, abandoned is the absolute worst thing you can do to a sick person. Don't know how to deal with it? Imagine being the sick person having to deal with it....suddenly your feelings of " I cant bear to see the person suffer" doesn't mean jack shit. Man up. Be a human being not a fucking coward who doesn't have the kahunas to see a sick person in your life.

10. ADMIT you do not know, understand or get it....talk to the sick person, ask questions on how to be beneficial, remain in their life and offer support, compassion and empathy. Leave your opinions at home.

If you have read this far. Know someone going through a tough time, These tips may help instead of hinder. I speak from personal experience.

It took 1 person to care about me to get me better when others didn't care I was even breathing. 

I write this with great gratitude for the people in my life. Love you all.