Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all.
Today, I and many others celebrate the birth of Jesus. For some others its just a time to get together with family and inadvertently celebrate Christmas. Either way I wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

I look back in review of the last year I and my family has had.

I celebrated 1 year after my 4th brain surgery for cluster headaches. My wife and I celebrated our 2nd year of marriage. We also celebrated out 2nd year of being smoke free. My wife celebrated 8 years of being clean in recovery( so proud of you). My boy turned 15 and makes me proud every single day.
We celebrated our 2nd Christmas with our rescue dog "Buster". In essence its been a good year and we have alot to be grateful for. Incredible roof over our heads, fridge full of food. Clean water. Which alot of people seriously take for granted. I have also had an incredible year spreading advocacy for the disease globally. The one video totalling almost a 1/4 millions views.
Making friends globally with the disease and helping others. I have received emails constantly thanking them for this blog, the videos which has allowed them to get insurance benefits, coverage. disability and the comfort of knowing they are not alone, Support is there and to think positive.

Each day is a battle with Cluster Headaches. Some days I think I am getting ahead with my attacks and think holy crap is this thing is working?. And then I get a bad week. My migraines have returned 10 fold. Twice now I have had migraines lasting longer than a week and adding cluster headaches while having a migraine isn't  a whole lot of fun. I am extremely fatigued and tired all the time which prior to all of this was the exact opposite of me and how I lived my life on one speed "go" and barely slept.
My weight is an ongoing battle and heartbreaking to me. Getting treatment for PTSD and social anxiety.Recently breaking my left foot and my rib again. (wife think I should be in bubble wrap).
Seeing the worst in people lately. I always try to see the positive side in others, giving others the benefit of the doubt and its bit me in the ass seeing how malicious, hurtful and cruel some can be at the expense of others seeing pure joy in their eyes as they see you suffer. Its evil and pure self absorption at its finest. I can't yet help but feel sorry for these person(s) for their actions or lack of and how they live. It boggles my mind that they live this way. I forgive just not stupid enough to trust again. I do believe in Karma and life has a way at some point of putting the shoe on the other foot someday. They will see their own demise staring themselves in the mirror one day.

As we move forward into 2014 I can only wish for others happiness and health. That Cluster Headaches be recognised globally and that we have a voice and the respect we deserve as survivors.
That any patient globally get the treatment they so deserve and the compassion from others that are around them if it be friends, family, loved ones, co workers, anyone for that matter.
I pray for those who have not been diagnosed to get diagnosed, I pray for those who do not have any medical help that they get help somehow, and I pray for anyone just suffering not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I owe a great deal of respect to my wife and son who constantly remind me by there presence not to give up. Keep fighting, and live another day. I know its hard for someone without cluster headaches to have them remotely understand that living one more day is a huge battle with this disease. But it is. Each day itself carries a bag of bricks on our backs. Some days the bag is heavier but the bag is always on our back and never goes away. Some days or nights during my attacks I feel suffocated by the bricks being so heavy I just want out. But out of the corner of my eye I see my wife and son watching me in horror and life without them just isn't in my dreams. Id much rather live sick with them them than without. I am so grateful that on a regular basis and through every attack. Never once have they complained. Never once have they gone to school or work dead tired and ever once was angry with me because I kept them up or woke them up. They are my unsung hero's.

Today for me as a Christian on Christmas Day I give thanks to Jesus, I give thanks to God for my life. Its not about gifts,deals or any of that. Mind you my son gave me the best present ever! (framed  pictures of me and him as a toddler). Today, we reflect upon the birth of Jesus and know he died for our sins. I am very much grateful for today. Christian or not I hope you have love in your heart as Jesus taught. God Bless everyone and Merry Christmas.

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