Friday, November 22, 2019

Without risk, there is no reward. Do not give up hope. Keep trying.

If you been following this blog you will know that I went from being suicidal, miserable, in such severe chronic pain 24/7 365 to actually having a quality of life. All from being a fan of a TV show. Crazy huh?

But lets look at actually what happened.

I been sick 15 years. July 25,2005 was the red letter date. The day my life changed forever. Just prior to that day, I lost a baby on my birthday. My son had been mauled by a dog, and was dealing with night terrors and that day something happened and wham I got the worlds most painful disease that day. I had been living with chronic migraines and IBS-d and back problems my entire life. But this was a whole new ball game. This changed everything.

From being diagnosed with " Sir, you have Trigeminal Cephalalgia Neuralgia aka Suicide Headaches, my next appointment is here and swiftly kicked out of the office. Jesus Murphy. could you have at least spent 2 min to tell me this disease has no cure? or that at some point the odds of me trying to kill myself might happen? Or that I am going to loose everything, including myself? Nope. Just leave.

Like anyone diagnosed with anything. Doctors text book prescriptions without listening. Here try this try that. Eventually I was 35 and impotent. Yeah something I love telling the world, that my hammer is no longer in use from medication. Since my ex ran off like a coward being unable to deal with my disease. I was single again, and at some point hoped to feel love again. So after YEARS of trying this, trying that with side effects of no sleep, impotence, weight gain, weight loss, dreams that would haunt you, stomach aches, and more side effects I took every pill and disposed of it. Week later, I felt better. Sadly even today I am on medications that will shorten my life. I am still working on that now. Hoping Ill get better or try a new medication or that the stem cells will help more....more later.....Over the next DECADE. yes 10 years, I had tried every pharmaceutical medication available for this disease, Some drugs to counter act, some to help with side effects of the side effect.. Just crap.
and then I proceeded with brain surgery. That also took time to happen. About a year....

You do NOT just ask for brain surgery. You need years of proof that medications and every other avenue doesn't work. Listen to this interview ...The doctor on the right is the worlds leading specialist on cluster headaches. He is the gran poobah of Doctors on this disease. In this, he discusses every single damn way to treat cluster headaches. I have done every single one of them and MORE.

Dr.Peter Goadsby explains Clusters, CLICK HERE

In this time, I lost my marriage which turned out to be a blessing.....why is divorce expensive? Because its WORTH IT. Good lord, looking back...I'm so happy  it happened. I lost my friends. Yup, if you can't keep up with the Jones's you are outta sight and mind. Again, another blessing. Thankfully, Karma has worked out beautifully, I even got to see it with my own eyes. I lost my business. That really hurt more than anything. It is something I  truly loved and enjoyed.I miss it alot. But it happened for a reason. Eventually I lost myself. Before brain surgery I tried to commit suicide in Miami. So, when I say I have walked the walk...I have.

Meeting my wife was the best thing that ever happened to me. And Mike. I went from being a simple fan of a TV show to having Mike Smith save my life, send me to NYC for treatment and now having a better quality of life and now moving to Nova Scotia. My wife and I have never been happier in our life. The actual best days of my entire life were spent with Mike and my wife. It took less than 24 hours of Kristen and I being in Nova Scotia to know it is home. Where we need and want to be. It was an instantaneous mutually agreeable decision to leave London Ont and move to Sunnyvale!! We couldn't be happier. As expensive as its going to be moving across country, and starting over, we have no doubt in our minds it will be 100% worth it.

I am not trying to sell you to move there. But its where we are at peace.

On the flight home twice now from Halifax, I cried en route home because I didn't want to come back. Yet the 2nd trip was better because we were house shopping. This is a huge risk, but without risk comes no reward.

Had I committed suicide. I would have never had the opportunity to feel better. Even after Doctors here told me there was no more hope for me and to go home. Had I never listened to Mike, I would have never had stem cell. I've been cluster free since treatment, My sciatica from L4.5 is 95% pain free. My sciatica was so bad(to me) that I had to use 4 robax just to walk because the pain was so intense. My aphasia, literally overnight stopped. My libido is of a 18 yr old who could swing a bat and hit a home run every game. My mental health is the best its ever been. I am happy. I am much less pain.  Ive had 1 bad week in 27 weeks. I used to have 5 migraines a week minimum. I've had 1 tension headache. The 4th un diagnosable headache is still fighting me hard. It is still kicking my ass, the ketorolac (Torodol) i take for this head pain is destroying my kidneys but more painfully my stomach.  But over all I am a completely different person. I wake up smiling ear to ear. I love life now. I want to live in happiness, peace and joy. I was miserable here. I never realized I could be this happy in my life. I owe all this to Mike for helping me and my wife for not giving up on me like the long list of cowards back here. Its A-OK. Mike made up for every douche bag coward that split when I got sick or the sicker I got. I have no malice towards anyone, no hard feelings. I am at peace. But me rushing out to tell people I am better to those who didn't give a fuck I was alive is at a zero.

Life is better, life is worth living. Had this stem cell never happened I wouldn't be here because I would have given up, but a friend listened, cared and offered help. Please if you are struggling for whatever reason now. DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Keep trying. Without risk, there is no reward.

Good bye forever London..... Sunnyvale, please have Bo Banders open the gate, we coming home.

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