Friday, April 12, 2019

Celebrate the strong women, not the weak cowards!

First, Happy Birthday to my best friend, my UNSUNG HERO, my everything. My wife.  Today is her birthday. Today, I celebrate one of the strongest women I ever known next to my mom.

Strength doesn't come form lifting weights. Its not a job. It is not a reaction to a situation gone wrong. Strength comes from within, deep within. 

On our first date, she let me know of something she goes through everyday of her life. What happens to her and choices she makes to better herself and others around her. She never gave up, Never failed and is truly and inspiration for others going through the same. 

While many would fault her for choices. I on the other hand applauded her for making things right. You can play the "I am the victim card" which I know personally women who just throw the towel in, gave up because they are cowards. Nope. Not her. She grabbed the problem by the bull and fixed it. I truly admired her strength, determination and tenacity for never giving up on herself and making a better life for her. I applaud that. Almost every woman I ever encountered in relationships just freely tossed in the towel and gave up. I don't see them  anything more than cowards or losers for giving up. Most people when they have a problem don't even acknowledge it because of denial.

So it was easy to praise her. It was easy to see her strength, It was easy to think she could love me back. Aside form the fact she is beautiful on the outside. Her inner beauty is why we been married pushing a decade. 

I remember our first date like it was yesterday. Picking her up on my Harley, and talking. I was so afraid to tell her I was sick. So afraid this wonderful woman would be scared off by my suicide headaches. Afraid my disease would destroy another relationship or the possibility of one.....and to this very day it hasn't. In fact, the polar opposite of any woman in my life she did. She took my disease, my health head on, and hasn't looked back. 

I thought many times, who could possibly love me with this horrible disease? I recall once an EX slamming the bedroom door as I lay screaming on the ground smashing my head having an attack and her saying"I cant deal wit this shit and leaving". Those thoughts always played my mind worrying that another coward was gonna hurt me again. I'm proud to say, she is 1000 x the woman any of them ever were. When I had attacks, others ran away. When I had brain surgery, they were not even around. When I fell hard she picked me up.  When I struggle, she is my rope to hang on too. 

My wife married me 2 months prior to the big brain surgery. I was never going to work again, I was sick, very sick and since then have gotten even far worse because of all the brain surgeries. Yet she still kisses me 100 x a day, tells me how much she loves me and makes every effort to give me a better quality of life. 

Every person she knew prior to us that I have met has always said to me how lucky I am to have such a wonderful person. And its true. I have never met anyone who has had a harsh word for her.  She is genuinely a good person. No malice in her heart for anyone. She helps me be a better version of myself everyday.

We get along great, we disagree on things but keep the fights clean and the sex dirty, thanks to advice from my folks. Unlike cowards who just leave when things get hard, she takes it head on with a smile and we always every time end up loving each other more. 

If you haven't thrown up in your mouth yet from all the compliments I am giving her, you have to understand it is all true. We both came from bad TOXIC relationships. For me I have no clue how someone could remotely not put her first. All she ever wanted was love and to be treated well. Almost 10 years later I am that guy and we are more in love today then ever. 

Despite  having the worlds most painful disease, numerous brain surgeries and a multitude of health problems, I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. Nor do I even want to.

They say you marry your mom. OMG I hope not that would be weird and creepy. But in many ways, she reminds me of my mom. A mom who was one of 13, losing a sibling to starvation during the war, hiding from the Nazis as they murdered people. My mom grew up dead poor with no father. Surviving on 1 loaf of bread a week between 12 brothers and sisters. Who ended up one day serving the Queen twice dinner becoming a chef. Mom never gave up or in. Had a heart of gold and wore that on her sleeve. Then coming to this country to give me and her other son a better life. That is courage, that is strength. That is a strong powerful woman as little (4 ft 11" tall) as she was. 

This is my point to this blog aside from wishing my wife a happy birthday. Women like my mom, like my wife are warriors, unsung hero's who give what is in them to help others and make this world a better place. If its not helping me, its helping the homeless. When shit got tough, she got real. When times were hard, she rises above. She never ONCE gave up on me because of my health. She isn't a quitter isn't a loser, isn't a coward. People say I am the toughest SOB they ever met because of the pain I endure everyday of my life. Nah, my wife is 1000 x tougher than Ill ever be. 

A strong healthy woman chose to be with a very sick man. That is strength. That is power. When my body and brain started slipping, when I suffer relentlessly, when I need help and struggle in my day. She is the first to run and help towards me not the other way. 

I used to think one of the most courageous things was being wheeled into brain surgery awake as they drill into my skull. It isn't. Its getting the fuck back up everyday, taking life by the horns an charging full steam ahead and doing it with integrity. Aside from my mom the only woman  I ever knew to have integrity, kindness and love at the same time. 

Today is her birthday but I celebrate her day everyday. I know I can be an ass at times, stubborn, and hard headed. But if you see ANY good in me, it is a result of strong powerful women like my mom and my wife. The good in me is a result of them.

I tried searching to post a great picture of her for this blog but this photo always comes back to me. It is burned into my brain. It is proof when shit got tough, she stuck it out and didn't cry like a whiny bitch and run the other way. And as I laid for 30 days in that hospital room, she never left my side. 

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful human being I have known. I love you.

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