There is a certain astigmatism within myself in being sick.
Its bad enough I didn't ask to be sick. I didn't sign up for this, I didn't ask to be sick, I didn't ask for any of this. So why the hell do I have a astigmatism attached to the label of being sick/disabled.
Automatically some not all think we sit around all day. And to some extent there is truth to the statement because we are exhausted and fatigued. Worn out, bushed, tired for lack of sleep or being unable to sleep. So ya got me on that one.
Lazy? no but assumed I am since I collect a pension that I paid into. Contributing member of society? Some think we are not. I contribute in many ways. So do many that are sick,
Labelled? Absolutely. Pfft. Look at him. He obviously eats well. He is overweight. He doesn't look sick, He is not in a wheel chair. So he should be a ok.
Why does he have a disabled parking permit? Snicker, sneer. No balls to say it to my face.
A government hand out. That's all he is. Waiting for a free cheque.
Wanting narcotics. Since I am sick and disabled I must be hooked on meds.
Well let me inform you about me. Let me tell you that myself and many are not what you assume we are,
At some point, most of us had jobs, careers in fact. Did something we absolutely loved. We contributed to society financially. We paid taxes, Worked, Travelled. Some might have even planned ahead. Some thought they could do things in their elder years.
Did you think for a second I chose to stop my life? Did you think for a second I like living off 1/10th of my income. Yes I said 1 1/0th of my income. Not a typo. Did you think for a second I like spending food money for meds? Or how about getting so sick from meds the mere thought of having to swallow another pill makes me more sick mentally?
We all have days and think ph bou can't wait until I retire. Im am 43. Ill never work again. There is no retirement plan for me. I am in an age now where my friends are settled in their jobs and careers. Have homes, toys, travel, planning ahead for the golden years. Putting kids through college, Moving forward in life while I take 2 steps back in life.
So where does that leave me? Watching the rest of the world live their life. Do things that normal 43 yr olds do, Those things are not in the cards for me.
While you are at work, grumping about an asshole boss, a pissed off customer, or whatever in your day is ticking you off. I am at home. Trying to live.
Its so hard at my age to see everyone move forward while I take 2 steps back.
Even Drs. Some are just fabulous and kind and have such bedside manner while others have a personal vendetta against me or their beliefs and don't agree.
I been taking a particular medicine for over a decade. A medicine that actually works perfectly. Yet some Dr for his own agenda wants me off the medicine. Why? Because he doesn't like it.
Great so have me suffer because you don't like it. My life is tolerable because of that medicine yet you want to yank it from me because why? What is he trying to prove to make me suffer?
Don't I suffer enough? I have the worlds most painful disease known to medical science yet he doesn't like a medication that works. What alternative do I have? Sit in the house become more recluse? Be more in pain? Yet on the other hand I have other Doctors in my life who are kind, have bedside manner. Are empathetic to me. To a disease that has taken so much from my life. I am not other patients with their problems. I am me with my health concerns. I just wish Drs would look at me as an individual not a statistic from a newspaper. I did every single thing the dr ever asked me to do. I swallowed so many garbage pills giving me everything from nightmare to impotence at one point, I had so many bad side effects. Nothing worked. I had my head drilled into awake. Something I have to live with for the rest of my life. After everything was said and done. I was left with PTSD, and a long list of side effects. Then I tried citizen science and got help. I know my body best. I am the boss of me. Not you for your judgement and assumptions.
I wish the general public would be more kind to me some days. I know I have gained weight. I know exactly what I look like. I do NOT need to be reminded.
I wish Dr's would take notice of others Drs how they treat patients and listen to them,
I have such fantastic Drs but ;ast week oh boy. His mind was made up before I said a single word. He didnt care if I said he won the lottery. He has his own agenda.
These things are what I deal with being sick. Being judged for how I look, the car I drive, the clothes I wear or how I look. I wasn't always poor, I became poor. I wasn't always sick. I was healthy in my life.
Oh and don't forget accidentally being overpaid by the government, they don't care if you are homeless.
I may have to stop writing my blog for awhile thanks to the government reducing my income to well below the welfare income.
Before you judge me, talk to me. Ask me how I feel. Ask me if I need help. Before you take my medication away because it helps me not hurt me, ask me. Its my body. It is my life. Its my feelings you are hurting by assuming. I have lost so much in my life and seen so much less in my life from being sick.
I ask you this.....
Don't I suffer enough? Hurting me isn't helping me, live and let live.
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