I am sure you have heard the slogan or term "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Or "God only gives us what we can handle?".
Apparently god thinks I am one heck of a bad ass then. Because seriously he is testing me every single day. And just when I wake up and think this nightmare is over, I relive it like ground hog day.
I have really thought in my life time that Cluster Headaches are the worst pain known to medical science. And truthfully it is without a shadow of doubt. Physical pain that is.
What I am talking about today is mental/emotional pain. Because that hurts way more.
I have had some seriously horrible cards dealt to me in my life time. Some self inflicted due to mistakes I made with people and other things way out of my control. Like getting sick. Like someone hurting me intentionally and maliciously. Those hurt far more. Because after 3 hours or less my cluster headache is gone. But the hole in my heart has gotten much deeper and painful. Even after a good cry. I still hurt. The tears are drying up because I am sucking it up like a buttercup.
Sometimes in life, we are told that challenges, and battles are just that. A learning experience what have you.
Because your best teacher is your last mistake. A wise man told me the other day " Your attitude changes your altitude". Although I have heard this before. It is true. I have always said that if I fall seven times get up eight. Its just tough when someone is pushing or holding you down as you try to get up. As much as I try to fix whats broke whether it be in my garage or my home. I do it with love and pride.
Its in my nature to want to help others. To be the pillow when someone crashes. To be the go to guy who either knows someone or can fix things. I pride myself on that because I like to help. I never thought Id be the one who is broken.
I have learned to fall 7x and get up 8. There is no such word as "Can't" in my vocabulary. I do not give up easy and give it my all. So if you are laughing at me because you think I failed, guess again because it only means I have not succeeded yet.
I never give up or give in. Giving up is not an option for me. If i haven't made it to the top it is because I am still climbing. Never look down on a person unless your hand is out helping them up.
Just want to take a moment to say thank you. I'm a ECH, and I refuse to give into this disease. Every hit no matter how hard always has me asking "is that it ? Is that all you got ? I thought you were supposed to be some bad ass painful condition." It may seem funny that I think this even when I'm bent over clutching my head moaning, crying and writhing in pain, but I refuse to submit, and I will take everything it has to give. Then I will pick myself up and live my life until the next hit.ReplyDelete
My point to all this is that you, and others like you who can relate are more of a source of strength than any doctor, any good intentioned friend. Even the strongest warrior needs that reassuring hand on their should telling them that they are not alone.
So thank you. Thank you for being there, and thank you for having the courage to share. It helps in ways that language is to limited to describe.
Stay strong my friend, my brother. I wish you many pain free days, and if those are denied you then may your pain free moments be so full of life that those that live pain free everyday find themselves envious