Saturday, August 20, 2016

GO F*(% Yourself Blog....I take advantage of what you take for granted.

Quite the blunt statement with such profanity.....well there is a reason.

This blog is not written in haste in anyway shape or form but a true reality of survivors lives dealing with the general public.

So let me explain first if you do not already know...I have chronic cluster headaches. I have chronic migraines. I have chronic tension headaches. I believe I have all bases covered. What I am about to write about is what every single gosh darn survivor deals with. Its prejudgement. Its assumption. Its ignorant and down right wrong.

And this happens to every single one of us at some point. While some may not have the gonads to say it to your face. People are bitching about " me", "you", ...."us".....

What I am talking about is the assumption we look fine.

"Hey look, Tom must have gained at least a 100lbs...."wrong....I gained 125 lbs.
"Hey sure looks like he eats well, must just sit around all day, must be nice"....yes I do sit around...and vomit.....
"I pay for him to sit at home, yet I seen him at a car show, the mall. getting groceries"....umm no ya don't, I paid into my Canada pension. Its my money.
"He looks fine, there is nothing wrong with him, it just a damn headache" in its a nuerological disorder....oh its not? Maybe my neurosurgeon should ask you how to fix me then?
"My mother gets those, quite your whining". Umm chances are she doesn't but if she does you need to listen to her.

Most if not many of us have heard these comments in some form or another. Its sad but very true.

What the general public doesn't see. Is the 9 days I just spent in bed puking my guts out from my head pounding so bad it added to the 6 days of diarrhea from meds, puking, nausea and so on. They didn't see when a pin dropped my head felt like it exploded in my skull. They didn't see that I didn't see day light for over a week. I couldn't walk my dog, make dinner, or even just watch TV. That the shear exhaustion of  cluster headaches for 1.5 hrs felt like a 40 hr shift in a hot factory. That I have left more blood stains on sheets from my imitrex needle. Or that I consistently  loose money for events I pre pay for. Hotels, dinners, movie, concert tickets. That I Consistently am late,leave early or cancel my plans because how I feel. That my wife who has a much better head misses out on hundreds if not thousands of events because I am sick. Happens on a regular basis.

So yes you ignorant F*ck. Yes you prick if you see me out in public at a show or event or just at the damn grocery store....yes if you see me and I am smiling and carrying on without a care in the world. Yes that is true and I am milking every second of that part of my day with smiles, laughs and hugs. If that irritates you that I am on disability but enjoying something in my life, well Fuck You. I will enjoy that part of my day because it can change in a millisecond. Yes you will see me happier than most people, Yes you will see a positive side of me. Because at that moment I am not hurting. At that moment I am taking advantage of what you take for granted. Yes I will pretend I am not sick. I will show you I am not hurting because I just spent the last 100 hrs wishing I was dead. So excuse me and go fuck yourself for you thinking I am faking being sick and that I am normal and that I am ok. The minute I pretend to be normal is the moment you stop being  ignorant. Just because I am not in a wheel chair doesn't mean I am not sick,

So please on behalf if us that are sick but look normal, please bend over and pucker up.

This blog had to be said. I almost never swear. I almost never complain about being sick. But I am tired of people assuming we take advantage of our disease. Please Fuck Off.

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