tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64480913640878726242024-02-20T16:21:37.348-05:00Trigeminal Cephalalgia Neuralgia aka Cluster Headache Suicide Headache Worlds Most Painful DiseaseCluster Headache, Suicide Headache,Hortons Nueralgia- Occipital Nerve Stimulation, Deep Brain Stimulation, Busting. Stem Cell TreatmentClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.comBlogger204125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-43007249777113083302023-01-23T08:08:00.001-05:002023-01-23T08:08:48.724-05:00My Last Blog......<p> 50 years old looking back at what I have gone through in life. </p><p><br /></p><p>I now look toward the future. I don't see my blog in it. Today. social media is filled with people dancing in their kitchens (shriek) for views, people who haven't hit 20 giving life advice (eye roll), hatred towards others, conspiracy theorist over vaccines, aliens and other shit you find on the internet.</p><p>I would rather devote my time to positive things to enrich my life, further my life skills and do the best I can everyday despite the challenges I face in my life with physical and mental health. </p><p>For most of my life I've had health challenges, some life threatening. For 38 years I suppressed childhood trauma. Thinking the more I buried it, the less of a problem it would be. And I was deeply wrong. I continued to have other traumas in life. Some that alot of people go through, some only a handful on this planet have. And one persons actions opened Pandoras Box and the flood gates of hell opened. </p><p>The PTSD I have been dealing with had gotten bad enough it was affecting my will. Treatment/Therapy is helping and I have the skills and tools to try and live the best life I can. Traumas happened. That will never change. Nor will having PTSD. But its kind of like grief in a way that you learn better to live and cope with.</p><p>The tools they give you to teach yourself have helped me get through dark dark days. This by far was the hardest thing mentally I have gone through far surpassing brain surgery awake. It was and is hard. </p><p>I've learned a great deal that C-PTSD is 100% personal. Other will rarely get it or understand. And thankfully they don't. I do not wish PTSD on anyone. </p><p>Once a year Bell Canada does a #BellLetsTalkDay which in the past I have even tried to help but honestly its bullshit. I made a video last year saying don't forget the other 364 days a year. Which everyone has. Another survivor of PTSD discussed with me how its a Feel Good Day for others. They post support for 1 day and that's it. I couldn't agree more. I am not saying everyone but a large portion. FI do count my blessings and very grateful for treatment. Many get none. For some its too late.</p><p>I have gone though some things in life. Bunch of diseases, bunch of brain surgeries, pain and suffering that was inhumane and torture. Mental ware fare for 38 years. Life on life's terms. I always and continue to give 110% in what I do. Its the OCD in me. My wife and I are in great peace. We are madly in love with each other and really love living here. I start my days with gratitude. Even if its a bad day. I do not wish to live in misery. I just am living my best life. I wish the same for others.</p><p>Be kind, you never know what someone is going through in life.</p><p>Pain Free Wishes to those suffering mentally and or physically.</p><p>Thanks for reading all these years.</p><p>Hold On Pain Ends</p><p><br /></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-71699914479060900182022-11-20T08:09:00.000-05:002022-11-20T08:09:39.348-05:00H.O.P.E. Hold On Pain Ends ..... whatever that pain is.<p> A decade and a half of human torture and its over now. If you have read my blog before. You will know I endured the Worlds Most Painful Disease known to science for 15 years. But this blog today is not about that. Its about a different kind of pain. A battle of 38 years in the making.</p><p>Trauma. What kind of trauma have you experienced? Is it mental health? This is a form of pain that even I can not explain. I personally have had multiple trauma's in my life. Chances are you have or will too in your lifetime. </p><p>When I was first diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for a trauma I had, it was actually the second trauma. The first one happened when I was 12. But I managed to bury (suppress) that for 38 years.</p><p>I did not know it was PTSD. Not for the second or first traumas. By the 3rd and 4th traumas, I knew what was happening to me. Enough awareness, education and diagnosis was the end result of PTSD.</p><p>Unfortunately one of them opened "Pandora's Box" on me. Which opened the flood gates of HELL from my first and ongoing traumas. It happens. I thought I did a very good job of keeping that shit buried for almost 4 decades. </p><p>I never knew until recently burying those traumas deep in my soul could cause more harm that good by trying to forget, not think and keep on keeping on. In fact. It was horrible. I've never felt this horrible in my entire life. Even after multiple brain surgeries.</p><p>Physical pain that I endured is so far different than mental pain I have endured. Absolute night and day. Even when I wanted to die. It was completely different. I wanted to live, just not at the expense it was costing me. Mental health is far different. Completely. </p><p>I am not claiming to be an expert on mental health advice or treatment. I am simply a person who fights daily with PTSD on different level. Where as the disease I had was pretty evident seeing me have attacks how much physical pain I was in. Mental Health people generally do not see, unless there has been significant weight gain and or loss. People being unkept, disheveled. Personally I gain weight when things are not well. It becomes a physical fight as well with yourself. A lot of people do not care you are unwell. They don't ask your well being. They don't ask how therapy is. People don't say shit. It is ok because this is a personal fight with yourself. Trying to heal yourself through whatever means you need to do to recover from trauma.</p><p>Therapy is changing the way you look at things. For me, I have been able to find answers to questions or "stuck points" in my life. It is an ongoing challenge in life. I don't think it will ever stop. It helps me grow to be a better human, husband, father and friend. </p><p>I consider myself very fortunate to have gotten help. This blog would have not been written if it wasn't for getting help. I am not trying to offer advice. I am simply stating that if you are going through pain, It will end at some point. Never stop holding on to hope. When my friend Mike saved my life and I got better physically. It helps me today to know that even being the first human in the world to have stem cell for cluster headaches, that when I was told there was no more hope or help for me, that one person cared enough to send me to a special dr and I got fixed. That is enough proof that after 15 years of absolute torture that I got better. So when I faced this mental health crisis. I held on to HOPE. Shit did get better and it did get worse before it got better. I kept holding on to hope. And its helping.</p><p>Hold On Pain Ends</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvMQ-_4AZk18rcHNY_F6Kfn9tQT9PkAlnHZULoMRqtOBGWJJhtl9k6hIpG092ES0PlVzW0OGt-BXIs0oY6j5S6lr50DeKXTsOwQrkorV0jM5KMySt19M60JZNMbmJ2g51sEVxV5Ce_O9H2Z3z5UoaRbrIKzKhDrR1SSY3GUxDNeCinCJzHiaxONFQJ/s1280/hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1211" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvMQ-_4AZk18rcHNY_F6Kfn9tQT9PkAlnHZULoMRqtOBGWJJhtl9k6hIpG092ES0PlVzW0OGt-BXIs0oY6j5S6lr50DeKXTsOwQrkorV0jM5KMySt19M60JZNMbmJ2g51sEVxV5Ce_O9H2Z3z5UoaRbrIKzKhDrR1SSY3GUxDNeCinCJzHiaxONFQJ/s320/hope.jpg" width="303" /></a></div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8MDOj3rfJWNniVjGXG-0qwpz9mvAQwyEzPQRUQFQsHqbeFhYvYKDpIfJmDWQH-Z7XRb905mVdbsaYDdQT9uKcrySHneQ3_IYcAs9TdvlJxrCvHGwF9qq2c4hbsx2msuBq4f37WRrfdx3eZbe0jCquKZHPvwotGzMC-3dZt9iy1AAbJNxnBwqhv3M4/s1280/ptsd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1270" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8MDOj3rfJWNniVjGXG-0qwpz9mvAQwyEzPQRUQFQsHqbeFhYvYKDpIfJmDWQH-Z7XRb905mVdbsaYDdQT9uKcrySHneQ3_IYcAs9TdvlJxrCvHGwF9qq2c4hbsx2msuBq4f37WRrfdx3eZbe0jCquKZHPvwotGzMC-3dZt9iy1AAbJNxnBwqhv3M4/s320/ptsd.jpg" width="318" /></a></div><br /><p></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-52547587603534074432022-05-15T23:00:00.001-04:002022-05-15T23:00:00.172-04:00H.O.P.E. Hold On Pain Ends ................3 years remission todayRemission....what a crazy word that has so much meaning. I won't use the word cured until I have passed away simply because I can not predict the future only hope and that is what my goal of todays blog is about.<div><br /></div><div>3 years ago May 16, 2019 I was the first person to have stem cell specifically for cluster headaches aka suicide headaches or if you are technical trigeminal cephalalgia neuralgia. Whatever floats your boat please use....</div><div><br /></div><div>They are not migraines. Not even close. different disease in fact and I have both. Actually I had 4 different headache types. Chronic clusters, chronic migraines, tensions and a 4th headache doctors were never able to diagnose and only guesstimate in treatment.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since May 16,2019 My cluster headaches stopped as well as migraines, tensions and the 4th undiagnosable headache is about 80% gone. The 4th headache I use a low dose of Celebrex. I got relief from the 4th headache 1 year 8 months after stem cell therapy. Stem Cell regenerates for up to 2 years. Once that 2 year mark hits, that's how your health will remain with what's been repaired. You can have stem cell again and again.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have had zero clusters and no migraines!</div><div><br /></div><div>I suffered chronic migraines and tensions since earliest memory around age 8. clusters chronic since day one July25, 2005. 4th headache came 5 years after brain surgery. My aphasia came then too. </div><div><br /></div><div>When I first had stem cell MANY were not quick to congratulate me in the medical field because doctors base their findings on stats. Well, how's 3 full years? I have even been able to fly, drink alcohol, be under severe stress, smells, foods that used to trigger attacks etc. A lot of things I was never able to do with this disease. Like leaving the house without fear. Not walking around with a pocket full of meds. Its pretty great. When doctors in London On told me there was no more hope and to just go home. Well assholes. I am alive. And living my best life. Now life consists of getting older like most 50 year old's with arthritis and aches and pains. I wish my old neurologist would know this. He was dead against psilocybin which is a proven aid in preventing or stopping cluster headaches which has been proven time and time again to give relief this disease. Yet so easy for him to write harmful prescriptions with terrible side effects. I am proud to know I have changed the course of history with survivors out there seeking some sort of treatment after failing at other treatments. I do acknowledge that I am an anomaly. I was a severe chronic cluster head averaging 3-5 attacks per day for 15 years. long time. chronic migraines since age 8 and the 4th headache started 5 years after my 1st brain surgery Occipital nerve stimulation. deep brain stimulation followed after. </div><div><br /></div><div>Chronic cluster heads are 10% of population. having chronic migraines 5 per week. A rare case. I was the 2nd person in Canada at the time to have Deep Brain Stimulation, 1st in Ontario,17th in the world (2 did not make it), and now 1st in the world to have stem cell specially for clusters. It has been done specifically before me for migraines and been very successful.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am living with PTSD, and a TBI, ongoing ulcers etc related from the disease and treatments I have endured.</div><div><br /></div><div>I immensely regret my brain surgeries as it has left me with a lifetime of unrepairable brain injury, short term memory loss. I am not complaining I am just simply acknowledging the life I have. I have had alot of gastro issues from 5 years of Toradol and over 10 using Aleve (NSAIDS). This has caused 2 ulcers, Bleeding and a lot of pain. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know my story of having a friend who happens to be a celebrity help me is wild. I am beyond grateful I no longer suffer the way I used too. I am sharing this story of hope. This isnt some BS story, A video below shows my procedure. I am not saying it will work for you. I am saying it worked for me and changed my life. So much that my wife and I packed up and moved across country to start a new life.</div><div><br /></div><div>You can make your own assessment of my journey. If you read the rest of my blog you will see how stem cell changed much more than just my headaches, it also fixed a lot of other health problems I had. If I ever had the opportunity to do it again, I would in a nano second as I am confident it would help my back and knee arthritis.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have never forgotten where I came from. And my heart bleeds for any cluster head trying to make another 24.</div><div><br /></div><div>Pain Free Wishes. Do not give up HOPE. Hold On Pain Ends</div><div><br /></div><div><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; color: #030303; font-family: Roboto, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">For information regarding Stem Cell Treatment: Call
Dr.Chris Calapai 516-794-0404 Garden City NY/516-433-3252 Plainview NY
( I am not paid to post this video by Dr. Calapai/done on my own merit of gratitude. )</span></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://youtu.be/TH0Sk3PL3CE">CLICK HERE TO WATCH PROCEDURE</a> </div>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-49323189208482526382022-04-06T09:30:00.003-04:002022-05-19T04:47:49.757-04:00Humility, Gratitude and Reality<p> Its been a minute eh....well I been living life to the best of my abilities.<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p>April 1, my son knocked on my door. He lives across country. What an amazing surprise my wife pulled off without a hitch! My Birthday is April 5. I turned 50 that day!</p><p>Friday night my wife surprised me even more with 15 of my closest friends at a local establishment in Halifax.</p><p>Looking back. I am very grateful for those who got dressed up. came out shared a few smiles and wished me a happy 50th! Especially my son who flew here and my wife whom arranged everything!</p><p>10 years ago to the day....I was given 24 hours to live as an infection was travelling to my brain from my 2nd of 4 brain surgeries. And 10 years later I am on the other side of the country, living my best life.</p><p>Since my last blog I have had and still dealing with some health issues. Injuries', arthritis, being 50. Ya know....older people aches and pains. Well actually I am young in my mind to have these problems. But I am resting and healing and working on my health in a positive way! Healthier food, yoga. Being active to the best of my abilities. I am so thankful for not suffering like I did. Well it was surviving. It wasn't even living. But enough of the past. Everyone has a story. Mine isn't special to others just to me.</p><p>In my 50 years or perhaps the last year I have come to fruition of life experiences to determine what's best for my health, my mental health and my personal life.</p><p>I've learned not to force anything. Which means don't chase anything/anyone. Slowly is the quickest way to getting there. What mattered, doesn't now. Peace brings forgiveness. Kindness brings gratitude. Avoid drama, negative people, USERS, don't be a door mat, know your self worth. Set standards and if those standards are not met in my life and business. Then move forward without that/them. Be kind but firm. Be generous but don't be used. I value my self worth. You don't need others to be happy. You need to be happy with yourself first. Happiness is within not someone else. I have the highest expectations of myself but learned not to have that for others. Just leads to disappointment.</p><p><br /></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-41817154834411477832021-05-26T15:49:00.001-04:002021-05-27T05:34:28.775-04:00You reap what you sew<p>So My wife and I been in Nova Scotia for over a year now. It was a year December 24 on Christmas Eve.</p><p>I left London Ontario without any hard feelings, resentments or feeling of ill well to those who done me dirty. Sorry. There is none. I actually left with peace. 😀</p><p>No one can take away peace. its like loving yourself. No one can MAKE you miss them, love them or feel bad you are gone.</p><p>My days are filled with gratitude, and happiness. I go to bed with grace. And repeat daily.</p><p>I hope you find solice and peace in your life too. Be well. cause we are doing fucking incredible!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2GAYha05XqWRibXNi0BdfCpVFxU-BtJTLqVprZUAf9MX-uYboVpdUsQ25Yr1s1XkU_0_ywmkMe5YAjEcsaeGgj4ilRFYi2puEqGV-U14wYoNTnRSV2GcOXIAyqSPMVbrwbaoRZ6vik64/s1712/IMG_9987.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1712" data-original-width="1280" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2GAYha05XqWRibXNi0BdfCpVFxU-BtJTLqVprZUAf9MX-uYboVpdUsQ25Yr1s1XkU_0_ywmkMe5YAjEcsaeGgj4ilRFYi2puEqGV-U14wYoNTnRSV2GcOXIAyqSPMVbrwbaoRZ6vik64/s320/IMG_9987.JPG" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-60187859644018272842021-05-16T05:28:00.008-04:002022-04-06T09:44:36.175-04:002 years today making medical history. First on the globe to have stem cell for cluster headaches into complete remission<p> 2 years ago. May 16, 2019 I had Stem Cell Therapy by Dr. Calapai in NY. <span></span></p><a name='more'></a>I've been in complete remission for 2 years straight. <span><!--more--></span>Not a single cluster headaches. Nothing. I've had one migraine that lasted 5 days on month 2 of stem cell. No tension headaches and the 4th undiagnosable headache is 70% better. So better I've stopped taking 2 harmful medications. Aphasia GONE on day 1. Sciatica pain was 50% gone overnight, now 98% pain free. Labido incredible. Mental health the best its been. I've lost over 100lbs.<p></p><p>Currently I live with a TBI ( short term memory loss mainly, cognitive impairment, trouble or inability to read instructions, documents etc.). PTSD from brain surgery awake, Raynaud's Disease(newly diagnosed), back pain from arthritis, and fatigue some days. Over all I am LIGHT YEARS from where I was.</p><p>There is absolutely zero doubt in my mind and heart Mike Smith saved me from suicide that day. Not only did he save my life but gave me quality of life. Dr. Chris Calapai in NY is the guru of Stem Cell.</p><p>I know first hand doctors are apprehensive that I felt better right away. And I would hear...wait and see with time. Well 2 FULL YEARS have passed. PROOF it worked for me.</p><p>I can not begin to express how grateful I am today. I've tried to explain a thousand times how bad life was. How badly I suffered, how life was hard. Now, all I can do is smile, and be grateful and give back.</p><p>Here is my story.....from where I was. What happened and where I am today in my heart and soul.</p><p>Please share this with someone who needs to hear it. offering HOPE in times of darkness.</p><p>Life can get better. Never give up HOPE..... Hold On Pain Ends</p><p>.</p><p>Pain Free Wishes to anyone trying to make midnight...</p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/3m7-zrlNqWo">CLICK HERE </a><br /></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-19658575676950228592021-04-24T07:08:00.001-04:002022-04-06T09:44:57.445-04:00Suicide is a permanent deicison to a temporary problem......a story of hope, healing and health.<p> <span color="var(--primary-text)" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please share this story of </span><span color="var(--primary-text)" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl q66pz984 gpro0wi8 b1v8xokw" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/hope?__eep__=6&__cft__[0]=AZWFeK0GrRxTILtSSdikMHDgN9h1Oe7rZTpKSniRwAhGLovhJJLLk44ue4wNU68gVg-2wOw65nRjUCghVhNHkEhq_pVPZcx_0lG32PHWQxcvrP81I-08kk-xixER04Ba6BA&__tn__=*NK-R" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; font-family: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0">#HOPE</a></span><span color="var(--primary-text)" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; white-space: pre-wrap;"> with someone who may need to hear this.<span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><span color="var(--primary-text)" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; white-space: pre-wrap;"> 2 years ago today. I was hours from committing suicide. I was planning to hang myself in the garage because of a decade and a half of daily torture living with not only Trigeminal Cephalalgia Neuralgia. Aka the worlds most painful disease but a plethora of added health problems stemming from multiple brain surgeries and being told doctors could nor would help me any longer. I had no quality of life. I wanted to live but not at the expense it was costing me. April 24,2019 I was going to die. </span><p></p><div style="font-family: inherit;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="ecm0bbzt hv4rvrfc ihqw7lf3 dati1w0a" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id="jsc_c_4q" style="font-family: inherit; padding: 4px 16px 16px;"><div class="j83agx80 cbu4d94t ew0dbk1b irj2b8pg" style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: -5px; margin-top: -5px;"><div class="qzhwtbm6 knvmm38d" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m" color="var(--primary-text)" dir="auto" style="display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; line-height: 1.3333; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word;"><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Absolutely no question or doubt. Then.......my homie contacted me out of the blue for no reason other than to say hi. I verbally dirreah to him knowing there wasn’t a damn thing he could do. So it did NOT matter who he was. In fact it’s never mattered to me who he is because of his career. He is simply someone that means everything to me as a friend. That day Mike offered me hope . It didn’t take me but a second to accept HOPE and HELP. Within a couple weeks Mike had raised $ through Cameo and Go Fund Me and then this gentleman, another unsung hero Kenny Hill (RIP) owners of Redecan offers Mike to fly my wife & I to the states for stem cell therapy .</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I am the first human to have stem cell therapy for my disease. And it worked!!!!</div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">All because these men here cared to simple listen to a friend in need. Offer hope of a better tomorrow as I struggled to make midnight everyday for over a decade. I went to NYC. Had stem cell and overnight my life changed. It was the first day of the rest of my life. I felt better and everyday since then have been the best days of my life.</div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;"> Mike has full filled dreams I’ve wanted to do, and I continue to make dreams a reality. Even going back to work after a decade. Doing what I love Chinwags barbershop <span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu" style="display: inline-flex; font-family: inherit; height: 16px; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle; width: 16px;"><img alt="💈" height="16" referrerpolicy="origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t4c/1/16/1f488.png" style="border: 0px;" width="16" /></span>. My life changed in so many ways from dropping over 100lbs to moving across country and starting a new life. Had Mike not contacted me that day. My wife would be a widow. Do not make a permanent decision to a temporary problem. Never give up hope. Life can and will get better.</div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;"> Today I don’t reflect on 2 years ago going to die. Today I celebrate life<span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu" style="display: inline-flex; font-family: inherit; height: 16px; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle; width: 16px;"><img alt="❤️" height="16" referrerpolicy="origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t6c/1/16/2764.png" style="border: 0px;" width="16" /></span></div></div></span></div></div></div></div><div class="l9j0dhe7" id="jsc_c_4r" style="font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><div class="l9j0dhe7" style="font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><div style="font-family: inherit;"><a class="oajrlxb2 gs1a9yip g5ia77u1 mtkw9kbi tlpljxtp qensuy8j ppp5ayq2 goun2846 ccm00jje s44p3ltw mk2mc5f4 rt8b4zig n8ej3o3l agehan2d sk4xxmp2 rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 a8c37x1j mg4g778l btwxx1t3 pfnyh3mw p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x tgvbjcpo hpfvmrgz jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso l9j0dhe7 i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of du4w35lb lzcic4wl abiwlrkh p8dawk7l tm8avpzi" href="https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=185186760115901&set=a.109267747707803&__cft__[0]=AZWFeK0GrRxTILtSSdikMHDgN9h1Oe7rZTpKSniRwAhGLovhJJLLk44ue4wNU68gVg-2wOw65nRjUCghVhNHkEhq_pVPZcx_0lG32PHWQxcvrP81I-08kk-xixER04Ba6BA&__tn__=EH-R" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; 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align-items: stretch; background-color: transparent; border-bottom-color: var(--always-dark-overlay); border-left-color: var(--always-dark-overlay); border-right-color: var(--always-dark-overlay); border-style: solid; border-top-color: var(--always-dark-overlay); border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; clip-path: polygon(0px 0px, 0px 0px, 0px 0px, 0px 0px); clip: rect(0px, 0px, 0px, 0px); cursor: pointer; display: inline-flex; flex-basis: auto; flex-direction: row; flex-shrink: 0; font-family: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; min-height: 0px; min-width: 0px; outline: none; padding: 13px 0px; position: absolute; right: 6px; text-align: inherit; top: 1px; touch-action: manipulation; user-select: none; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><i class="hu5pjgll m6k467ps sp_LFwfFeu5yc0 sx_f93ce2" style="background-image: url("/rsrc.php/v3/yp/r/yXw2vmEvHEh.png"); background-position: 0px -895px; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; filter: var(--filter-secondary-icon); height: 16px; vertical-align: -0.25em; width: 16px;"></i><div class="n00je7tq arfg74bv qs9ysxi8 k77z8yql i09qtzwb n7fi1qx3 b5wmifdl hzruof5a pmk7jnqg j9ispegn kr520xx4 c5ndavph art1omkt ot9fgl3s" data-visualcompletion="ignore" style="border-radius: inherit; font-family: inherit; inset: 0px; opacity: 0; pointer-events: none; position: absolute; transition-duration: var(--fds-duration-extra-extra-short-out); transition-property: opacity; transition-timing-function: var(--fds-animation-fade-out);"></div></div></div><div class="rq0escxv l9j0dhe7 du4w35lb j83agx80 cbu4d94t g5gj957u d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz rj1gh0hx buofh1pr n8tt0mok hyh9befq iuny7tx3 ipjc6fyt" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex: 1 1 0px; font-family: inherit; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; padding: 6px 2px; position: relative; z-index: 0;"><div aria-label="Leave a comment" class="oajrlxb2 gs1a9yip g5ia77u1 mtkw9kbi tlpljxtp qensuy8j ppp5ayq2 goun2846 ccm00jje s44p3ltw mk2mc5f4 rt8b4zig n8ej3o3l agehan2d sk4xxmp2 rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 pq6dq46d mg4g778l btwxx1t3 pfnyh3mw p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x tgvbjcpo hpfvmrgz jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso l9j0dhe7 i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of du4w35lb lzcic4wl abiwlrkh p8dawk7l" role="button" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; 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max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; padding: 6px 4px; position: relative; z-index: 0;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v lrazzd5p m9osqain" color="var(--secondary-text)" dir="auto" style="display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; font-weight: 600; line-height: 1.3333; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="n00je7tq arfg74bv qs9ysxi8 k77z8yql i09qtzwb n7fi1qx3 b5wmifdl hzruof5a pmk7jnqg j9ispegn kr520xx4 c5ndavph art1omkt ot9fgl3s" data-visualcompletion="ignore" style="border-radius: 4px; font-family: inherit; inset: 0px; opacity: 0; pointer-events: none; position: absolute; transition-duration: var(--fds-duration-extra-extra-short-out); transition-property: opacity; transition-timing-function: var(--fds-animation-fade-out);"></div></div></div><div class="rq0escxv l9j0dhe7 du4w35lb j83agx80 cbu4d94t g5gj957u d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz rj1gh0hx buofh1pr n8tt0mok hyh9befq iuny7tx3 ipjc6fyt" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex: 1 1 0px; font-family: inherit; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; padding: 6px 2px; position: relative; z-index: 0;"><div aria-label="Send this to friends or post it on your timeline." class="oajrlxb2 gs1a9yip g5ia77u1 mtkw9kbi tlpljxtp qensuy8j ppp5ayq2 goun2846 ccm00jje s44p3ltw mk2mc5f4 rt8b4zig n8ej3o3l agehan2d sk4xxmp2 rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 pq6dq46d mg4g778l btwxx1t3 pfnyh3mw p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x tgvbjcpo hpfvmrgz jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso l9j0dhe7 i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of du4w35lb lzcic4wl abiwlrkh p8dawk7l" role="button" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; align-items: stretch; background-color: transparent; border-bottom-color: var(--always-dark-overlay); border-left-color: var(--always-dark-overlay); border-right-color: var(--always-dark-overlay); border-style: solid; border-top-color: var(--always-dark-overlay); border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline-flex; flex-basis: auto; flex-direction: row; flex-shrink: 0; font-family: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; min-height: 0px; min-width: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: inherit; touch-action: manipulation; user-select: none; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><div class="rq0escxv l9j0dhe7 du4w35lb j83agx80 g5gj957u rj1gh0hx buofh1pr hpfvmrgz taijpn5t bp9cbjyn owycx6da btwxx1t3 d1544ag0 tw6a2znq jb3vyjys dlv3wnog rl04r1d5 mysgfdmx hddg9phg qu8okrzs g0qnabr5" style="align-items: center; box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-flow: row nowrap; flex: 1 1 0px; font-family: inherit; height: 44px; justify-content: center; margin: -6px -4px; min-width: 0px; padding-left: 12px; padding-right: 12px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative; white-space: nowrap; z-index: 0;"><div class="rq0escxv l9j0dhe7 du4w35lb j83agx80 cbu4d94t pfnyh3mw d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz ph5uu5jm b3onmgus iuny7tx3 ipjc6fyt" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-shrink: 0; font-family: inherit; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; padding: 6px 4px; position: relative; z-index: 0;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v lrazzd5p m9osqain" color="var(--secondary-text)" dir="auto" style="display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.9375rem; font-weight: 600; line-height: 1.3333; max-width: 100%; min-width: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="n00je7tq arfg74bv qs9ysxi8 k77z8yql i09qtzwb n7fi1qx3 b5wmifdl hzruof5a pmk7jnqg j9ispegn kr520xx4 c5ndavph art1omkt ot9fgl3s" data-visualcompletion="ignore" style="border-radius: 4px; font-family: inherit; inset: 0px; opacity: 0; pointer-events: none; position: absolute; transition-duration: var(--fds-duration-extra-extra-short-out); transition-property: opacity; transition-timing-function: var(--fds-animation-fade-out);"></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="cwj9ozl2 tvmbv18p" style="color: #1c1e21; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 4px;"></div></div></div></div>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-29087538124671451942021-04-20T07:31:00.002-04:002021-04-20T09:35:23.954-04:00My dad.... May 10,1941 to April 20,2020<p> I been trying to think today of what to write. I am filled with incredible emotion of great sadness and gratitude at the same time. My father passed away today, 1 year ago.</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess todays blog is for me. Its all part of the grieving process and healing. I really had a tough time when my mom died and rightfully so. Like anyone, loosing a parent you love and cared for is deeply sadnening. I cried every single day for a year when my mother passed. And have done the exact same thing for dad. Eventually in time those tears turned to smiles when I think of my mother. I dont think I am anywhere near it now with dad. Time will tell.</p><p><br /></p><p>My folks came from Switzerland(Originally Germany) when they immigrated to Canada on Canada Day July 1,1967. They came with my older estranged brother, my mom and dad and $25 to their name getting off the plane.</p><p>Prior to that. Dad grew up in war time. He vividly remembered the Nazis, the kind Americans who was kind to dad and the appreciation for a life in Canada when they arrived.</p><p>My father had quite the work history from starting out apprenticing in Germany at hotels that were castles. taking care of dignataries, presidents and so forth. His career switched to being an airline Pursor for CP Air. God, he loved flying but eventually gave it up to be home with his family. He then switched to selling cars. He held the record for two years straight with the highest sales in Canada. Selling over 370 cars in 1 year. In 1977 we moved back to Ontario where dad started selling cars again but soon hired at GM Diesel Division in London Ont. Where he worked until he went on permanent disability due to throat cancer in 2000.</p><p>Dad built Buses, Locomotives and even Terex trucks.He hated the job, as it was a hard factory life. Not the white gloves he was used to wearing. It paid well and allowed us to have a good life. He did it for us. NOT HIMSELF.</p><p>In 2000 dad got cancer. Throat cancer. He had to make a decision but asked my thoughts. He decided to persue having a full lyrengectomy. They removed his entire voice box. Already haveing 1 lung, emphizema didnt help him and made the rest of his life very difficult. Dad was often made fun of, starred at. Dirty looks, snears and comments from IGNORANT FUCKS who have no clue what he was dealing with. He constantly struggled with his health. Many days he tells me he wished he has not had the surgery but he beat the odds and lived 20 years as the life expectancy was 5 years.</p><p>My father and mom loved on another deeply and in a way I only understood after moms passing. He struggled badly with her loss. They are together again, home in heaven. This gives me peace.</p><p>My father had an increidble life. Met many celebrities, been around the globe 26x. and loved to travel, fish and CNN. </p><p>Dad was very proud, and happy for our life in Nova Scotia. I sincerely wished he could have seen it before he passed.</p><p>Dad, Kristen and I miss you terribly. Loosing you was the hardest thing we have had to live with. You were more than a dad, You were wisdom, compassion and the most generous person. Your memory will live in us every day. There are not enough words to express my grief. How sad we are but we are at peace and I owe that to you. I love you dad. Rest Easy xoxo</p><p>This was the last time I seen my dad alive in person and last time I hugged him alive.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxma2hePMmdzirsQGHcNSIEyvf_NDI2ziWF-fic4owZyyUjvc4J6NWEwrgClAwkzt00jsYBLdw7o5Uo-0nU6Q' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><p><br /></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-29595172046027574312021-01-21T05:00:00.000-05:002021-01-21T05:00:35.214-05:00Perfect End to a Perfect Day without a single regret<p> Today, there is HOPE....</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dw-UQsRfNNbIvn6_6uWNV2qwVzDw0HFLbUh25rxPLK3SI2wq2qBeHVddFjTFhBRRa44jw01mZq06MfwJIARZA' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-66792087190013349492021-01-12T05:33:00.003-05:002021-01-12T10:24:51.190-05:00Advice for caregivers, spouses, family and friends who have a sick person in their life.<p> When was the last time someone you cared about got a cold or a flu? When you heard did you say sorry you are sick or I hope you feel better soon. Right? What about a sick person who doesn't get better? How do or should people around that sick person support the sick person? Well here is my 2 cents.... coming from a person who is sick.</p><p>The person you know, the person you care about is now sick or has been battling and finally diagnosed. What to do? How do you help? </p><p>1. The persons disease/ailment/pain/disability is NOT your fault so dont try to compensate as it is.</p><p>2. Care for that person as YOU would wish to be cared for. With compassion, empathy and love.</p><p>3. Treat the person like you normally would. Treating the person as an invalid isn't beneficial to anyone suffering,</p><p>4. Do not abandon the person. If your friend is unreliable. Meaning they leave early, arrive late or cancel it is not their fault. They didn't not show up intentionally. They are fighting a battle you know nothing about .KEEP INVITING THEM</p><p>5. Ask questions. DO NOT ASSUME, Every person who is struggling with something is fighting this them self. Your version may be completely different from the suffering they are experiencing. Telling the person I had that once most likely isn't what the person is experiencing.</p><p>6. If you can't deal with it, tell the person. Living or being around a person who is sick is not easy. The sick person may have mood swings, pain you couldn't remotely comprehend, and fighting a battle you know absolutely nothing about.</p><p>7. Don't offer advice. As much as you 'mean well" telling a person with an incurable disease that drinking more water is the answer to a cure is probably gonna get you a black eye or a middle finger.</p><p>8. Think if what this person is experiencing in their life, how greatly their life has been disrupted. Inability to work, do social activities, just trying to bear one more day in pain and suffering. Do not be judgemental. If you see the person having a good day being active. Support it. Don't say "well I seen you at the mall or park, you must not be sick. No we have good days and make the absolute most of good days. That doesn't mean we are cured, healed or better. Most likely if you seen the person at a store or out, is that they are having a good day. </p><p>9. Isolation. Probably the worst. Even more than living with a disease or pain. Being ignored, forgotten, abandoned is the absolute worst thing you can do to a sick person. Don't know how to deal with it? Imagine being the sick person having to deal with it....suddenly your feelings of " I cant bear to see the person suffer" doesn't mean jack shit. Man up. Be a human being not a fucking coward who doesn't have the kahunas to see a sick person in your life.</p><p>10. ADMIT you do not know, understand or get it....talk to the sick person, ask questions on how to be beneficial, remain in their life and offer support, compassion and empathy. Leave your opinions at home.</p><p><br /></p><p>If you have read this far. Know someone going through a tough time, These tips may help instead of hinder. I speak from personal experience.</p><p>It took 1 person to care about me to get me better when others didn't care I was even breathing. </p><p>I write this with great gratitude for the people in my life. Love you all.</p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-8505964629616664532020-12-24T04:43:00.005-05:002021-01-12T05:36:51.374-05:00Perspective of 2020<p>Perspective is everything</p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p><br /></p><p>January-First full month in Nova Scotia, terrified driving from almost being killed Dec 22. ALIVE. HEALTHY AND HAPPY IN A NEW PROVINCE.</p><p>February- Sore back- MOVED INTO NEW HOME</p><p>March- Ripped off for $3200- DONATED TO HABITAT FOR HUMANITY</p><p>April-My dad passed away.- I HAVE A LIFETIME OF WONDERFUL MEMORIES AND DADS LOVE KEEPS ME FILLED DAILY WITH HIS BLESSINGS</p><p>May- Lockdown- LIFE IS LIKE ONTARIO. HOME ALONE. EASY PEASY</p><p>June- Our Deck is rotten- BUILT A NEW DECK DOUBLE THE SIZE</p><p>July-pita to walk lil Annie every pee/poop- NEW FENCE INSTALLED</p><p>August- Lost friends due to Trump,(no loss).HAD A HOUSE PARTY AND HAD TIME OF MY LIFE</p><p>September-After 30 years of waiting- BOUGHT MY DREAM CAR and DROVE THE WHEELS OFF IT</p><p>October- health problems-HOSPITAL DOCTOR GOT ME ON NEW MEDS, EXTENDING MY LIFE</p><p>November- Election- found out whos a racist supporter. BIDEN WON TRUMP LOST UUUUUGE</p><p>December- Hard time of year to miss a loved one-<span> MADE 32 HOPE BAGS FOR THOSE EXPERIECNING HOMELESSNESS</span></p><p><span>Focus on the POSITIVE.</span></p><p>There is so much more that happened in the year. We got to sight see this beautiful province of Nova Scotia, Hiking, trails, beaches, famous locations, and hidden ones. We have blossomed wonderful friendships with people we consider family. </p><p>Loosing my father was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I'm sure that's the same for anyone in life that loved their parent and having to loose a parent. 22 people were brutally murdered up the road from us. I learned what #NOVASCOTIASTRONG means. The people of Nova Scotia are beautiful, kind, resilient and generous. Their memory will remain alive.</p><p>We have come so far. My health sometimes bad is more good than bad. And I made medical history. My stem cell procedure will go down in medical books and I pray that others get the help I got.</p><p>We have continued our help with those experiencing homelessness in Halifax. I have been able to do things I've only dreamed about doing and did it! Thanks to my best bud. Without you none of my life would be possible. Too each and every friendship we have made here. Thank you. We are humbled and grateful. </p><p>Life is so much different in the Maritimes and its why we moved. No Hussle and bustle of now, now now mentality. Its relaxed here. Things happen when they do and if they don't another opportunity will arise. I love that about here. </p><p>We, the world has had so much incredible loss, devastation and heartbreak. I will not focus on the negative but the POSITIVE instead. I am so grateful for the health I have, the life we have together here. The friends we call family.</p><p>As broken hearted we lost dad, covid and life on life's terms, we are so grateful for the life we have.</p><p>Merry Christmas and blessings. Ill pray for your health and peace. My wish is that you find the peace in your life like we found.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsP0gekFa3chDHCfLME2Y0tvWa9DhH4jDrLqY2mvWXfl0V3bPjSObEkLhPTZj6lrlvyJMGkwl_HVQ-zvM4TclqAw6BjjtYHSYIIBaLuWWrShV4Q5yTMU9z5Pyq0S-yBfnxwRm08fko-SI/s2048/IMG_2753.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsP0gekFa3chDHCfLME2Y0tvWa9DhH4jDrLqY2mvWXfl0V3bPjSObEkLhPTZj6lrlvyJMGkwl_HVQ-zvM4TclqAw6BjjtYHSYIIBaLuWWrShV4Q5yTMU9z5Pyq0S-yBfnxwRm08fko-SI/s320/IMG_2753.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-1195852985103253902020-11-04T06:55:00.002-05:002021-01-12T05:37:03.108-05:00I'd complain but who would listen?<p> How many time sin life have you said that or heard someone say that phrase?<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p>Despite what happened to me with stem cell therapy, and my friend. I know I won the lottery. You do not have to tell me. Even today as I write this with an ulcer and pain, and some health problems. I do know how fortunate and blessed I am to have something happen like It did. It is pretty incredible.</p><p><br /></p><p>But what some fail to realize is that in those 15 years of relentless suffering I just didnt suffer and then have Mike save my life and send me for stem cell therapy.</p><p><br /></p><p>I first had exhausted all pharmaceuticals available to me at the time to treat my disease. I never said no to any treatment offered. In many ways I was a guinea pig but also text book prescriptions. Yesterday I found a letter from my neurologist complaining to my own GP that verbatim " very low likelihood of us being able ot intervene and make a significant difference in his headache problems". Well gee thanks a lot. He also noted I reported him for "forgetting my appointment after waiting a fucking year". A year. We called the Dr office every 3-4 months for an update. Same verbal direah answer every time. "wait". At a year I asked how much longer? Oh looks like he forgot to send in the referral. Hence my complaint. yet he feels I was wrong to complain. The same neurologist when presented with facts on published articles with noted treatments wanted to hear none of it. Normal for me to deal with closed minded people. Many sick people deal with this. Nothing new.</p><p>I exhausted all pharma drugs, then opted for brain surgery. When 4 of those surgeries made me worse I was running out of ideas. I had written to Dr. Sanjay Gupta about 3x. begging for help. I wrote to Dr. Oz. Dr. Phil, The Doctors, Ellen and Oprah pleading with any of them to refer me somewhere to get help. I had tried multiple times. Never to hear back. In Sept 2018 the pain clinic told me there was no more hope or help for me and to go him and die. Too risky to operate again. Dunno, what's wrong with ya and the meds you are on will end your life.</p><p>Now do you see I was crying for help everywhere? Even though I had wanted to end my life I still wanted to live. I love life. I just didn't feel the cost of suffering was worth any quality of life I had as everyday I was getting worse. I was sentenced to a crime I never commuted with this torture daily.</p><p>I tried everywhere I could for help. I used to average 1-2 Emergency visits a month. 2-10 Dr appointments a month for GP, Gastro, Dermatologist, Pain specialist, IBS docs, Neurologist and more. I was fighting to stay alive. </p><p><br /></p><p>Who knew the form of help would come from a friend? Who knew that friend would know a doctor that could potentially help me. Who knew it would work? I complained......and someone listened. Because someone cared. </p><p><br /></p><p>Never give up hope. Never stop trying. Never stop going.</p><p><br /></p><p> <a href="https://youtu.be/8VeXdXAYM58">CLICK HERE FOR TESTIMONIAL FROM ME</a><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-27714391169677101322020-09-19T07:36:00.002-04:002020-11-04T06:57:00.361-05:00You are never too old to make change.<p>How many times in life had you said to yourself that "if" things could be better, "if" I had the chance to make change, or "If" this was this or that....so what the hell is stopping you from making change?<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p>Today, as I write this I am sitting in my buddies living room in Prince Edward Island. A dear friend whom I used to work for and with in Ontario. He lives in PEI, we live in Nova Scotia. He moved 7 years ago to start a new life. As we did Dec 24, 2019 to Nova Scotia from Ontario. Both of us thought never in a million years did we ever think we would leave Ontario, to start new journeys in life. To start over LATER in life. Im 48, My bud is 52. There is no excuse not to start over or just make change. I used to know this guy back in Ontario. His famous words were' Well I coulda or I shoudla or if things were different", basically a cop out full of excuses. </p><p><br /></p><p>As I sit here I look at the window and see lush green, this beautiful province. So quiet you can hear a pin drop. Hospitality in the Maritimes is like NO OTHER PLACE IN THE WORLD. Ask any passenger from 9/11 when all flights were suspended and thousands upon thousands of people were stopped and stranded in the Maritimes. They took people in their homes, fed them, washed their clothes, took care of their pets, and made lifetime relationships. When 9/11 happened they put over 7000 people on flights in Gander NewFoundland. In a town of less than 7000. Halifax airport was packed full of planes. You be hard pressed to find a Maritimer here who wouldn't run out to help, offer a warm meal, hot shower and a place to lay your head. If you ever have the opportunity to see the broadway show called "Come From Away" I highly recommend it. In Toronto and NYC. </p><p>My friend who moved here experienced everything we did when moving to a new province. Open arms from everyone asking how can they help. Its very surreal. And for a long time I felt wrong to call myself a Maritimer because we just landed. But being a Maritimer doesn't come with time, it comes with a way of life. A simpler life. Yes, they are 10 years behind Ontario with many things. Internet Speed, 24/7 support with things but who cares? A much simpler life. People live to work here not work to live. If its not done today, it will be tomorrow. The urgency of "NOW" isn't like it west of New Brunswick. A much simpler life. Unimpressed by fancy things. You WILL see on any day that isn't inclement weather people walking, running, hiking everywhere.</p><p>The cool thing about where we live is you can be in the heart of the city, walk to a park near by and not hear a peep but the birds. I have a circumvential highway by my house. Its rare i hear traffic. The loudest thing we hear usually is kids playing. I can walk to the lake on my street within 2 min and be completely lost in the woods within a minute of my house. We are very very fortunate and one of the safest places next to Nunavut for Covid cases. At present we haven't had 1 in 10 days. So we have more freedom the rest of the country to travel within the Maritime Bubble. Go hiking. People wear masks here and DO NOT COMPLAIN. Hence why no one is sick here. </p><p>I am not trying to sell you on the Maritimes by moving here. I am trying ton convey that we took a chance at starting a new life and it worked. We are so happy. So at peace. My mom and dad would be so proud and happy for us. My dad was thrilled for us before he passed. Only wish he could have seen it here past all the videos and pictures I sent. My dad decided to stay in Ontario and not move with us. I think he regretted it. </p><p>We do not miss Ontario. Or anything about it. A part of our life that is the past. We have no hatred towards where we lived. But zero desire to ever return for any reason. Driving through Nova Scotia to come to PEI yesterday was a reminder that it is so beautiful here. And have zero desire to ever leave. I hope you find happiness and peace one day like we did. Its not the nice house we have, or the cars, that make us happy. Its the peace. Some spend their entire life thinking or chasing peace. I wake up everyday, I smile as I am still in shock that I feel better than grab a coffee and look at the 5 blue jays that come to my apple tree, watch the sun rise and just feel gratitude. I never felt that back in Ontario. I was miserable as hell. Felt stuck. Suffocated from life there. Granted I was very sick but the isolation was the worst of being sick. Today, we party, we travel, we hike, we celebrate life, we enjoy life, we give back and be the best we can be. And if I get sick again tomorrow. I will be grateful for every second I felt better. No one will ever take away my peace that we have. I left all that pain and suffering back in London. </p><p><br /></p><p>If you have a chance in life to make positive change to give yourself inner peace. what is stopping you?</p><p>Peace,light and love.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfqveK5Evo28KTghwYUqb3nxqVNfweBYz3KWbRusX8fWjQ_x7td-ZJDbaf5NSy1IGEELu3sHrtfPDyXcBOD1Q9bT4SgoMAn9MTrnKI6wX-6O6023Nfl8HML6_c2pDMSSlAI_wjua47v9k/s1280/PEI.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfqveK5Evo28KTghwYUqb3nxqVNfweBYz3KWbRusX8fWjQ_x7td-ZJDbaf5NSy1IGEELu3sHrtfPDyXcBOD1Q9bT4SgoMAn9MTrnKI6wX-6O6023Nfl8HML6_c2pDMSSlAI_wjua47v9k/s320/PEI.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p></p>ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-67252797273058254792020-07-26T05:58:00.004-04:002020-09-19T07:39:16.956-04:00Anniversary of Cluster Headaches<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
July 25,2005 was my first cluster headache. Little did I know what was happening to me that day or what the next decade plus would be.<br />
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Did you ever get asked at a job interview.... Where do you see yourself in 5 years? My answer should have been "ALIVE" if all goes well.....<span><a name='more'></a></span><br />
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Quite the remarkable journey I have been on. NO ONE at age 33 decides or plans they are financially ok to get sick at a young age. No one plans that far ahead.<br />
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Somehow through out all the brain surgeries, thousands yes THOUSANDS of Dr appointments, emerg visits and pain clinics I some how managed to be where I am today because of one person who wasn't a doctor offered HOPE.<br />
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Never in a million year did I ever think Id be sick at a young age or when I got sick, Never in a million years did I think I could get help. But I did and I am here to live to talk about it.<br />
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You don't have to read the 200 blogs I have written to know I survived and came out on the other end. I am very very very fortunate to have had happened what happened to us. When i say US I mean my wife.Who stuck by my side since the day we met. Unlike cowards who did not. Now that life is a better quality and we are living in peace and harmony. No stress, No drama. No Liars, No Users. and no one to poke fun of my weight gain.<br />
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Yeah that's right. Todate I have lost almost 110 lbs. So all you fuckers who said I was fat, lazy, said I ate to much or "let myself go", well Id say Fuck YOU but I get more satisfaction just knowing I did it myself. No stupid diet, no magic pill. Hard fucking work paid off.<br />
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I still have some serious health problems I deal with everyday but I am light year from where I was. Stem Cell Therapy changed my life. Literally. 3 of 4 headaches in remission. 95% sciatic pain gone, Aphasia gone. Labdio of an 18 yr old, Mental health 1000%. I am a different person. What mattered doesn't. What didn't matter before now does.<br />
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We uprooted and left Ontario for Nova Scotia and aside from listening to my bud to get stem cell, moving here was the best decision we have ever made. Its beautiful here. Our house is a home. And we are so grateful for everything.<br />
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I am grateful dad got to see me get better before he passed away. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of both my parents. I know deep down they did the best they could with what they had. I am very grateful to have been in both their lives to the very end. They both passed with love for me and my wife and their blessings continue as we have a new life in Nova Scotia. I was sitting on my deck last night having dinner, listening to the shear peace and serenity. Not a car. not a noise. Just birds chirping. I could see my dad sitting there smiling with mom looking at us and being grateful. I know I imagined it. But I felt that peace. That happiness. No one can take that from me after what I been through. it is a fucking miracle I am alive. It is a miracle I am here.<br />
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Never in a million years did we think any of this could happen. Not the treatment, not the people in my life I love, not moving here. I never thought it was possible. Nor did any of the things I have done since moving here was possible. But it is and its happening. Stay tuned. You will see more in the upcoming future. #deeeeheeeecent<br />
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Let this blog be a glimmer of hope for whatever you are going through. Whatever demons you are battling. Things can get better. Have hope. Do not give up. Keep giving, keep helping others...Rid yourself of users, takers, liars and cheats. We have 1 rule in our home. NO negativity. No drama. Positivity only!<br />
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Do not give up hope. My life is a statement that anything good can happen at the lowest of lows in the darkest hours of life. There is hope. Keep being kind, Keep loving yourself. Inspire those who look up to you and remove yourself from toxic people! Whatever you do, do it with purpose and kindness.<br />
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Pain Free Wishes to anyone trying to make another 24 hours. Keep Fighting!<br />
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Instead of today as I did every year would acknowledge what a horrible day in history for us has been. Today, we celebrate. We party because we came out on the other side.</div>
ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-329685136390550042020-05-30T05:39:00.003-04:002020-07-26T06:10:47.854-04:00H.O.P.E. Hold On Pain Ends Cure Chronic Podcast<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hope is sometimes all we need. Hope when taken away is almost if not the last straw when holding on and trying to make another 24 hours. I know this all to well.<br />
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A decade and a half of struggling to midnight to make another day.<br />
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I know this. If this is happening to you. I believe you. And know you are valued, you are important. You have meaning and substance and you matter in this world. I personally may not know what is going on in your life. I may not understand the pain you are in and that you are going through. But know that I believe you. I believe your struggle is 100% real and validated and please never feel you need to prove how sick you are. If you have to prove to anyone how sick you are it is time to re evaluate who you listen too.<br />
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This podcast Cure Chronic is a little bit about my story of HOPE and how things got better. Many other stories of survivors out there with many diseases helping others.<br />
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Have a listen, share, offer hope to someone needing to hear this message.<br />
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If you have cluster headaches, and or migraines and health problems and not sharing this then you are doing a disservice to those who are suffering seeking help at their wits end. This isnt about me, or you this is about all of us suffering in pain.<br />
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There is several platforms to listen to this podcast....<br />
<a href="https://anchor.fm/curechronic/episodes/The-Worlds-Most-Painful-Disease-with-Tom-eeohpl" target="_blank">CLICK HERE</a></div>
ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-74220723303101542152020-05-16T06:41:00.002-04:002020-05-16T07:16:28.358-04:00Medical history is made. Cluster Headaches and Migraines in the last 365 days. CNN LISTEN<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My first cluster headache attack was over 15 years ago. That was over 16,425 attacks ago. Approximately 24,600 hours(if averaging 3 attacks per day) of my life GONE. Those hours were spent fighting for my life.<br />
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I've had many say "my mom gets those, or I had one of those once". chances are, most likely not. Cluster Headaches affects 0.01% of the world. Approx 1 million people globally in what 7 billion people? We are a grain of sand in the world. Invisible. because its an invisible disease that unfortunately unless you are a neurologist you are not taking us seriously. Even a good neurologist can throw his hands in the air and say the odds of help are very slim. As my own neurologist told my GP. I was even told at the pain clinic after waiting 1 year to be told. Go home, there is nothing further we can do for you. The meds you are in will end your life sooner than later. We can no longer help you but if you want to join a support group on living in pain we can sign you up for that in a years time......<br />
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I needed that group when I first got sick, Not 15 years later. In 15 years I tried my hardest to live with this disease. Open a business and try to hide my disease. I tried dating, raising a son, being a son, being a friend. I fucking tried everything I could with this disease. Even a suicide attempt in Florida. Again hours away again in April 2019.<br />
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I don't know how many times I have heard someone say to me, try this. I did and then had 4 brain surgeries. Which left me with PTSD, a Brain Injury (TBI), aphasia years later, short term memory loss, cognitive issues reading and comprehending documents, instructions. Difficulty learning new information. And to me the worst part. A 4th undiagnosable headache that even to this very day they can not diagnose and struggle to treat. This 4th headache I am still battling as I write this. This headache, leaves me bedridden without meds. The meds I am on are meant for 5 days max use. I been on them 4 years. And they only give me 40% relief. As the years went by 40% pain reduction is the best they can do and what I live with to this very day.<br />
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This 4th headache is unlike my other headaches. Migraines can last hours to weeks. Debilitating, vomiting, pressure. No fun. Cluster headaches last 3 hours max and you can have up to 15 a day. The pain of a cluster heachache is indescribable torture. Tension headaches go away on their own and usually a simple Tylenol make it disappear quickly.<br />
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Today, May 16, 2020 is 1 year from Stem Cell Therapy I had by Dr. Calapai in NY. I have kept a headache diary. and tracked my headaches since the first day.<br />
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Overnight the first thing we noticed that my aphasia had gone. Aphasia for me was inability to get some words out when talking and stuttering. It was progressively getting worse everyday. Being able to speak normal was a blessing. Then I noticed my sciatica pain was reduced by 50% overnight and today is sitting about 95% pain free from sciatica. Sciatica if you have never experienced is a nerve trigger mostly by back pain. My l4,5 caused my sciatica pain. Now usually only happens driving in my wife's car. For some reason the seat triggers my back pain. I am very grateful for this to be where it is. Next. In 365 days I had 1 migraine, It lasted almost a week, It was around the 1st or 2nd month of stem cell. Since then I get migraine aura's. That feeling when a migraine starts. But it hasn't gotten full blown. Some cannabis usually does the trick. I rarely get tension headaches anymore. Most just go away on their own or a simple Tylenol removes it. Now, Cluster Headaches. The worlds most painful disease known to medical science. FUCKING GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
Insert Hallelujah Music. Dance naked, jump up and down. Gone. NOT 1 fucking cluster headaches once!. Ive had some auras. Once I thought I was having the beginning of one and it turned out to be a tooth ache. But zero clusters.<br />
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To my knowledge, I am the only person in history who has successfully treated cluster headaches with stem cell therapy and been in complete remission.!!!<br />
CNN are you listening??? Dr.Sanjay Gupta....this is HISTORY for the medical community. I know Doctors and medical professionals rely on stats. Well here is legit factual stats. 365 days cluster headache free!!! THIS IS HISTORY and hope for anyone suffering this horrible disease.<br />
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For well over 10 years I spent my time advocating, and creating awareness for this disease. At my wits end of wanting to die, I contacted everyone I could for help. Dr. Phil. Dr. Oz, Doctors, CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta. Anyone who could potentially help me with my headaches. With no help.<br />
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I had become good friends to someone who wants to be anonymous that reached out at my lowest of lowest. I was suicidal. I wanted to die. I had fought as hard as I could. Struggled as long as I could. Was told to go home from the pain clinic as their was no more hope. I had no quality of life. Life was not worth living anymore. I told my friend this, and he knew I was suffering badly. Except he offered HOPE. By Help. Something I had lost a long time ago. He offered me help from a doctor he knew personally that he personally seen positive medical results first hand from other health problems. At that point I had NOTHING to loose. I wanted to live is what most people fail to comprehend. I wanted to die. But wanted to live. All I ever wanted was to feel better. Not suffer so much. Have a quality of life. I realize I am sick. I realize certain thing sin life are over for me that I can no longer do and I have accepted that. But I tried and tried and tried with everyone for help. Who knew my help was going to come in the form a friend. A hero. My brother.(not sibling).<br />
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So I am off to NY for Stem Cell Therapy. And at this point i had nothing to loose and everything to gain. I ALWAYS was 100% positive with every doctor I met. I always tried what they suggested to me, Pills, surgery, You name it. I never said no. I even did magic mushrooms which did help for awhile relieve the intensity and frequency of clusters but stem cell completely stopped 3 of 4 headaches dead in its tracks PLUS stopped aphasia, sciatica, mental health, physical health, back pain, labido like I was 18 again. Just overall well being, feeling better. I can't explain it. I am a different person. Different outlook on life. What matters, what doesn't. Who matters, who doesn't. I value people not money. Life is different. Its better. A year ago prior to this I didn't have the physical capacity or mental capacity to drive to Toronto Ont from London. A 2 hr drive. Now we packed the house and moved across country. Hopefully that should give you the gist of how much better I am.<br />
In 1 year from today. I had stem cell therapy, flew to Halifax with my wife for her holidays, Fell in love with Nova Scotia and flew home, sold the house and moved across country. Something I could have never done without this therapy. I would not even have been alive if it wasn't for my friend..FACT.<br />
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I am still sick, I still have a smaller list of health problems which I am still battling but I am LIGHT YEARS away from where I was. I suffer far less. I am very grateful my dad got to see me get better, Be happy and peace in Nova Scotia before he passed away last month. In fact, yesterday was his birthday. I know he and mom and looking down happy for us.<br />
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Since I advocated and created awareness for cluster headaches I read many many many claims of the word "cure" from fellow cluster heads. I know my statements above may come with skepticism. And that is good and welcomed. Proof is in the numbers. Numbers do not lie. 365 days cluster free.1 migraine in a year at the beginning of stem cell. Put that in your pipe and smoke that!!!<br />
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Many BULLSHIT claims on line from rubbing your temples to "drink more water". I've done them all including having my head drilled into awake for brain surgery. So this isn't a claim. These are FACTS. I had stem cell therapy by Dr. Calapai in NYC and I am in remission for 1 year. That's a fact. Each day I continue to be better is further proof this worked for me. After THOUSANDS of Dr visits, thousands potions, treatments this worked for me. I have a quality of life worth living. I now celebrate life. I love life. There is so much I want to do and see in Nova Scotia with my wife and family out here. I have no desire to end my life anymore. I never wanted to die before. I wanted to live but only if it meant I didn't suffer.<br />
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I can tell you Rock Bottom teaches you things that a mountain top never will. That health is the most important thing you can have. That people matter not money. Things I once loved and cherished are now an after thought. What matters doesn't and now what never mattered is most important to me. Helping others. I lost both my parents recently. There was NO U HAUL behind them. They took their memories and left behind what they contributed to the world. Money means absolute shit to me. I don't care how big your house is, your car. None of that means shit to me. How you treat others, how you give back in the world. That is what matters to me, And I surround myself with people who are just like that. Givers, not takers.<br />
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I look back at the last 15 years of my life. How sick I was, How terrible life was. How some people are just......in my past. I look forward to days ahead with my family here. Travelling. Exploring, Helping those in my community. It has been a helluva journey. Things are only going to get better. Even with this Covid 19. Kristen and I have big plans for the future. Life is good. We are happy and at peace. I still have 365 more days left with stem cell to get even more better. Stem cells double daily for up to two full years. I am at the halfway point and things are looking positive for me.<br />
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I am not the type of guy to scream" Hey I did this, go do it, It worked for me it will work for you". I know everyone is different. everyone responds to treatment differently. Everyone has their own case of the disease differently. But I will say Stem Cell worked for me and gave me hope.<br />
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You will be hard pressed to find a day in the last 365 that I haven't said I am grateful or told my buddy how much I love him and how grateful I am for what he did for us despite him wanting zero recognition from day 1. I love you brother, thank you for helping me. You are the best bud I could have ever asked for. Being there saving my life, the treatment and when I lost dad. You were there and continue to be everyday. I love you. Thank you Dr. Calapai for the treatment, thank you Redecan for the flight. Thank you to everyone who didn't care I was sick and still was my friend not the cowards who ran the other way. Thank you to my family here in Nova Scotia. You welcomed us with open arms and we still can't believe we are here. Thank you to my neighbours who welcomed us and took care of us during our 14 days in the house getting us groceries and everything.<br />
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And very important. My wife. You took the vows of better for worse when worse was all we knew. You were beside me for every brain surgery, every attack, every heart break, loss we shared and stuck by my side through all of it. Its not me who deserved the private jet, and the trip. It was you. You stuck by my side through all of it, When people ran the other way, you ran towards me. Ill never forget how you stuck by my side through all of it. Now its time for you to enjoy all the good that has happened to us both. Anything good should be for you not me. You deserve it babe. Grateful for you. We are here in our new home with Annie and life aside from Covid and loosing dad is pretty good.<br />
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Feel free to share this blog with cluster headache and migraine survivors. It may save another life. And potentially give someone a quality of life.<br />
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I dedicate this blog to you my friend. Without you I wouldn't be here, be better and have the life we have now. I love you.<br />
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Pain Free Wishes to anyone trying to make another 24</div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBiTDFcngms" target="_blank">Never Give Up HOPE (click here)</a></div>
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ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-81386420735256610822020-05-01T10:36:00.002-04:002021-01-12T05:37:20.066-05:00Rest Easy Dad.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
April 20,2020 Was not a day to celebrate 4:20. We woke up mourning the loss of 22 fellow Nova Scotians from a mass murderer. This day felt so different. We ended up going to bed mourning another person. My dad.<span><a name='more'></a></span><br />
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We were following the news of an armed active shooter on the news not to far from here. (RCMP shot him 25 min up the road from here). We were bewildered because this doesn't happen in Nova Scotia. It actually doesn't happen in Canada. It happens in the US because of guns and the STUPID gun laws in the US. Active shooters are so rare in Canada. Its literally unheard of.<br />
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As the day went on. I had this gut feeling of loss. I can't really explain it. I knew something was wrong. Not just the 22. I didn't feel like being high and celebrating 4:20.<br />
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We SKYPE my father in Ontario almost daily. Sometimes when we didn't it was because of Covid 19. No one left the house or did anything. So, there wasn't much to talk about but probably 5 or 6 days out of 7 we would Skype my dad.<br />
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When we decided to move to Nova Scotia last August, we asked dad who is a widower if he wanted to come move with us. Dad flat out refused. He did not want to come. He wanted to be on his own. He also said he didn't want to change banks, pharmacy etc...which he ended up all changing anyway. Dad was a strong willed person. Dad had lived with us for over 4 years. When my mom passed away we took dad in. Fed him breakfast,lunch, and dinner. We did his laundry, cleaning, took care of his daily chores and maintained his car. We did this when I was really sick. My wife and I both pitched in as best we could. Dad went from a fully furnished apartment to loosing his wife to a fully renovated basement with brand new floor to ceiling. It was really nice. He never lifted a finger. We took care of everything as mom was dying with brain cancer. Some days I slept 1 hour.<br />
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Dad spent over 4 years with us. And I know our decision to move to Nova Scotia came as a shock to dad. He was sad we were leaving but knew why we left. It was a mutual decision between my wife and I. Dad was 100% supportive of our move and journey. He was truly happy for us. Not just because we were starting a new life but because I was getting better. Suffered way less and had a life worth living. My mom and dad came to Canada on Canada Day July 1,1967 with $25 and my brother. So for us to move to Nova Scotia with some $ in the bank was a blessing. Dad helped very much so. The reason we live here is because of dads help and support.<br />
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Before we moved. Dad found a beautiful brand new apartment building. Really super modern, very lush and comfortable. He loved it. We got dad set up before we moved. He was so happy. He loved being on his own. At 78 years old he learned how to cook, use a stove, washing machine,dryer, getting groceries, and he even learned how to use a treadmill. Up until Covid 19 closed the gym he used the treadmill daily. He had no intentions of passing away. He had planned on visiting Nova Scotia. But the last two times we Skyped dad I was crying inside. My poor father was going to be stuck in that apartment for minimum 1 year before he could come here. My father was very very high risk of infection. He had COPD, 1 lung, a neck breather and had a mini stroke a year and a half earlier. His gate was off. He walked very short strided steps. Sometimes using a cane or walker. For him going to the grocery store getting food or prescriptions would wind him out pretty good. But it gave him something to do.<br />
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Dad had ongoing health issues. One being he had paper thin skin. Like Kleenex. It would tear so easily. Removing a bandaid would cause 3-6 months of wrapped cotton bandages because he would bleed so much. He struggled for 20 years with mucus from his hole. He had a hard life. People would tell me I am so tough for living through 4 brain surgeries but looking at my dad. He was the strong one. If I have any will in me its because of dad.<br />
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Dad was very very lonely. He struggled with that even living with us. Just because we were there doesn't mean you can't still be lonely. He was. he missed my mother so much. I don't think he ever got over her passing. It took myself years to now smile when I think of mom instead of cry.<br />
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Last few times I skyped dad it broke my heart knowing he was stuck in that apartment alone. for at least another year because of Covid. We were so worried about Dad getting Covid 19. So much he actually told us to stop bugging him about it. Only because we cared. My wife and I were all Dad had. He had friends, but we were his entire life. For 23 years I was the one who took care of both my parents, who helped them when they needed it, We took care of moms passing. And now we took care of dads passing. In fact my wife deserves the most praise for doing the paper work that I cant and making sure all the t's are crossed and i's are doted. Dad was very meticulous with the will and how he wanted things done. Thanks pops. It made things easy.<br />
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When we arrived back in London to deal with the estate, I found a sense of peace. Because Dad is no longer alone, he is no longer suffering with a multitude of health problems. He is with mom now. No longer lonely. For that we are grateful. We miss dad. My wife very much so. They had a very close intimate relationship. My wife loved my father dearly. But we are at peace now because being alone in a 1 bedroom apartment with no visitors, no local family to visit. Its hard and sad.<br />
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Dad was very very happy for us and we are grateful dad got to see me better and healthier. What my parents see me endure for over a decade and half must have been exceptionally hard for them. Dad was so happy for our new home, our new life in Nova Scotia. How freaking happy we are out here. How life did a complete 180 from suffering relentlessly, to wanting to die to the life we have now. It even boggles my mind daily. I think many days I wake up thinking its a dream. That I am better, have a life worth living now. The life we have now, I never even could have imagined or dreamed of.<br />
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Mom and Dad did not want a funeral. There is no funerals in Canada now anyway because of Covid 19. Mom said to me, if you didnt come see me when I was alive don't bother standing in front of my grave. Dad felt the same. So do I. No funeral. no service. No celebration of life. My wife and I celebrate their life everyday. I have no regrets as their son. I did the best I could helping them when they needed it and was there for them before they even had to ask for help. My wife had a great relationship with both my parents and they were mom and dad to her. Annie our dog was the light of my dads life. He missed her so much when we moved. I sent dad videos almost daily. it meant alot to dad.<br />
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Unfortunately dads last days were spent watching the news about 22 of our fellow Nova Scotians were brutally murdered. Dad and I were floored what was happening. I'm very sorry dads last images of life were a monster and worrying about our safety. Had this lunatic made it back to Dartmouth. God knows what more destruction he could have done. We are still mourning the loss of everyone.<br />
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That is one major difference we notice out here. People have eachothers backs here. They help one another out. They offer to help before you have to ask. My neighbour who I became great friends with. has brought us dinner when dad died, got us groceries because we are quarantined, taken our garbage out when we were away. People here are just incredible. Some days I feel like an imposter here not being a Nova Scotian because we just got here but there treat us like we been here our who life. If you haven't seen the hashtag but that is why we are #NovaScotiaStrong We help one another, lift one another up and encourage one another to get through.<br />
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When we flew home and drove around London Ont. First it was weird because it was like we never left. But we have a complete different life, We visited my old house/neighbourhood. Seen a couple friends at a HUGE distance. and a park we took Annie to daily. But as much of memories and a life we once had in London, it was time for us to go home too....back to Nova Scotia. That is our home. That is where we live, That is where we are happy and making a life for ourselves despite Covid 19. I do have family here. Not blood. But family to us. Family who not only saved my life but gave me a life worth living. Ironically, and live 5 min from me. We are happy here. Dad knew it and was happy for us. We have ZERO regrets leaving London. Trust me. we waited over 4 years for things to happen and they never did. So why stick around? Why be in a place that you are forgotten and ignored? My dad and Kristen's mom are all we had in London holding us there. We got an opportunity in life that I could have only imagined. Dad knew that and was happy for us. Everyone we called to tell them dad had passed, told me how proud he was of us and how happy he was for us. Even though we were so far away from dad. This makes me smile knowing dad was at peace too.<br />
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Loosing a parent you are close to is hard. Both my parents last words to me and them was that we loved one another. We consider our selves pretty blessed. Dad, I will continue to make you proud. Keep mom company until we get there. Great things are coming for us dad. I am so grateful for being your son. Thank you pops. We love and miss you and momma.<br />
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Godspeed and rest easy.<br />
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Love Tom and Kristen and Annie<br />
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ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-68387046986447124492020-03-29T08:25:00.002-04:002020-05-01T14:28:02.356-04:00Corona Virus or Covid-19 tips for staying home, finding things to do and being mindful.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I hope if you are reading this, you are home and healthy and riding out being at home.<br />
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I do not profess to be a doctor or medical professional. But I am an expert in pain and being at home.<br />
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Like a lot of people around the world who are glued to Television, social media and radio, we are inundated with an overwhelming information changing by the nano second of the amount of people who are infected to how many have died and then all the political bullshit that comes along with it.<br />
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Don't worry, my political opinion and yours means JACK SHIT today reading this. Nor do I give a rats ass what your political opinion is. What matters to me is that people adhere to staying at home and leaving when absolutely necessary to get groceries, or medication. Period.<br />
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I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world with breath taking views and nature. Yet, I am home trying not to fucking die from this virus. And they are people I love risking their life going to work to keep what essential services we need to survive as humanity.<br />
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I risked my own life 2 days ago getting groceries. 90-95% of people adhered to the 6 foot distance rule and followed the signs at 4 feet tall with arrows indicating which isle to go down with 6 ft markers on the floor to give people space. Inconvenient if you have someone in front of you dilly dallying but really, its to save a life to be 6 ft apart right? I'd rather wait then get sick and die. Yet some ass wipes ignore the sign at each isle, ignore the 6 ft tape marks and push through. Those 3 people left the store with an ear full from me. I am sure this has happened to many. I unloaded on these people to advise them they are not special, The world doesn't revolve around them and I just spent 15 years sick and not about to die because some ignorant fuck thinks he is immune.<br />
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Moving forward this isn't a bitch fest blog today. This blog is to offer some helpful tips and harsh realities of being home and what ya can do to help your self stay home, Be safe and not spread the virus. As you may be a carrier and have no symptoms.<br />
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So, if you are reading this blog you know I was sick for 15 years, and as years went by the sicker I got. This will resonate with many people who struggle with being home. One of the worst things I had to deal with aside from the pain was isolation and abandonment. Being alone SUCKS, being sick is one thing but having your friends NOT visit you because you are sick is worse. Fuck them, anyway...they made a choice not to visit when the world was ok.<br />
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Being home, being alone happens for many sick people. I am not special. I know sick people and its the same for them too. People stop calling, visiting, offering to invite you, it just happens. Regardless of the disease. So it leaves us home who are sick alone. Being sick you have good days where you play catch up on all those bad days you are down. You have really bad days that a sorta bad day would be a dream! But lets talk about how you are home and healthy and bored.<br />
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For starters, you are healthy and stuck home you say!. Imagine being sick with Covid-19 or another disease. so now being healthy at home isn't so bad. right? For starters, please bend over and pucker up and kiss your own ass you are healthy and quit fucking whining you are stuck home and can't see people. SHUT THE FUCK UP. You have your health which is way more valuable and important than anything. If you do not have the virus and you are healthy, then stop fucking complaining. There is people risking their life every minute for your ass to stay home and be healthy. Medical professionals, store clerks, cleaners, truck drivers and more. So really remove your head from your own ass and wake up and consider the fact you are healthy and be grateful. There are people dying from this and your complaining your bored?<br />
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Ok, you are bored, what to do....well there is LOTS.<br />
Depending on your circumstances where you live. Meaning if you are in a house you have more abilities to do things like being outside in your own yard on a nice day.<br />
Raking leaves, wash your vehicle, clean out your shed and garage, paint that room you been wanting to do. clean all the windows in the house, re organize your closet you been putting off, do arts and crafts, just to name and few. The most important is to exercise. Do not complain you don't have a gym. You do not need equipment to work out. You tube is full of cardio and yoga free videos to keep you fit. We use DDP Yoga, an online app. I lost 100 lbs from it. No gym, no excuse. being active instead of finishing every movie is more important than TV because your mental health depends on it. Take up a blog like this? Make VLOGS on you tube from a hobby you enjoy or helpful videos if you are a professional. Board games are great, Keeps you off social media and gives your brain a chance to re boot and take your mind of potentially getting sick. And a good book takes the mind away. Skype/facetime or Zoom a friend. It is very important to check up on a senior in your life. Many seniors live alone or have been a widow/widower and have no one.<br />
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Living in an apartment can be tough. I have before and being in a small enclosed space can be difficult especially if you are running out of things to do. So physical exercise is very important. Its great for your mental health too. You barely need any room to do yoga, push ups etc. No excuse.<br />
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Being sick for 15 years and home for more than half of those years you find things to do. Making a list of important tasks can be beneficial. It can keep you focused and on track. I was down so often and sick so much that when I did have a good day or a few hours, my time was spent catching up on things like laundry or groceries. Everything else was secondary. Chances are if you seen me out I was caught up or catching up. I never once in all those years said to myself I am bored with nothing to do. People go to work before all this chaos started,. and MADE time to do things they struggled with doing working 40 hours a week, Now is your chance to play catch up. Many things do not require money spent to do.<br />
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If you wanna sit around the house, watch movies, eat crap food and get unhealthy, that's your decision. For the sake of your mental and physical health stay as active around the house as possible, be kind to those who talk to you. They are struggling during this pandemic too. This isn't about YOU. It is about all of us. Be kind to one another, DO NOT BE A COVIDIOT and think oh I wont get it. And don't risk my life because you are a douche bag and can't wait or follow the rules.<br />
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I am really hoping and praying that this will teach us all something, that we can learn from this if we survive and see how the best of humanity should come from this. That the worlds Carbon Foot Print is slowed down. That people find themself lost in kindness not anger.<br />
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Stay home and stay safe everyone.<br />
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ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-81373797907679906422019-12-25T09:28:00.002-05:002020-03-29T08:26:07.724-04:00Merry Christmas 2019<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
8 months ago, I was going to commit suicide. A friend/hero saved my skin (see blogs below) and in August we came to Halifax to visit him.....4.5 months later on Christmas Eve literally we arrived here to live!!<br />
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We left London Ontario Dec 21,2019.<br />
<a name='more'></a> Said good bye or see you soon to our friends and family that are in our life. Loaded the truck and headed east.<br />
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I was born in Richmond, BC. lived there until I was 4. Then moved to London Ontario and have lived there until Dec 21,2019. (42 years with the exception of living in Windsor Ontario for 1 year at age 12). So essentially London has been home to me for pretty much my whole life. Same for my wife with the exception of BC and parts of Ontario.<br />
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Coming here to Nova Scotia in August of 2019 sealed the deal. My wife and I had planned on moving here later in life....probably at my wife's retirement. Visiting my friends here expedited that in a hurry. It took less than 24 hours for my wife and I both to look at each other and want this as home.<br />
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We flew home and told everyone. Even the people here. I am sure many thought yeah right or maybe one day. The sold sign on the lawn quickly changed peoples minds that we were dead serious.<br />
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Being here in August and in October confirmed this is where my wife and I are happiest. We are at peace.<br />
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We left London with forgiveness and happiness.<br />
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Enroute to Nova Scotia we were nearly killed. At some point the right front wheel bearing let go causing major catastrophic failure to my truck. This happened going down a 45 degree angle on a mountain with no guard rails, no nothing but 2 lanes of slush/ice/snow. An 18 wheeler on my back bumper who refused to pass with my 4 ways flashing, my arm out the window waiving him past. The truck suddenly jerked lanes completely from right to left. My steering wheel turned 90 degree left. I then applied to brakes and had NO BRAKES and NO STEERING. It was a shear miracle that we are alive. Eventually the semi passed me. Because the right front wheel was so cambered in (tilted in from the top) that it allowed us to veer off the highway which then I flagged a guy on a ATV who didn't speak English and pointed to a business. I coasted the truck with no steering/brakes right into the parking lot. Which turned out to be a motel/restaurant. We BEGGED the owners to let us stay because we have a dog and they had a NO PETS policy but realized our near death experience and gave us a room. The next day. We had it towed to a GM dealer 2 km up the road. This is Dec 23. They only had 2 techs on staff because of the holidays, they were fully booked yet took us in, diagnosed what I already knew and repaired it. The wheel bearing destroyed the CV/Joint Axle, melted the brake caliper and pads and rotors and melted the center cap to the rim from the heat. The truck was smoking bad when we finally stopped.<br />
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We are beyond grateful for the dealer Temis Chevrolet and the owner Yan Bourgoin helped us tremendously. I can't thank him enough. He spoke English thank god. We had planned on leaving immediately after the repair but the roads were terrible, and I was uncontrollably shaking still and very upset. The next day, Dec 24. we left and followed a plow/sander truck for the next 2 hours doing 40 km/hr which was fine by me. Even as we pulled into the driveway at 6pm. I was still shaking. I probably will for awhile. I was LESS scared having brain surgery awake.<br />
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We unloaded the truck, hugged one another had Kraft Dinner for Christmas Eve and went to bed. So today is Christmas Day. We are counting our blessings we are both alive, and we made it here to call Nova Scotia home.<br />
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While we miss some people back in London. Our life begins now. I am 47 years old, and you are NEVER to late to start life and be happy. And most of all, be at peace. You can not buy that. It comes within. We are so grateful to be alive. So grateful to be HOME.<br />
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I am very proud of the legacy we left behind. My good friend Steve at H&M Auto is taking over the HOPE bags we made for the homeless and handing them out this year continuing what we started 5 years ago. We plan on doing the same down the road when we get settled here. We are so grateful for that.<br />
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Our wish for everyone to be happy and at peace.<br />
Blessings and Merry Christmas!</div>
ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-45847332909693299962019-12-01T13:20:00.002-05:002020-03-29T08:26:27.760-04:00Full Circle of Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
20 years ago I was channel surfing and flipped on a show called "The Trailer Park Boys", an instant cult hit mokumentary of shenanigans, fucks, shits, cock suckers and other obscenities. While 20 years ago, language like that was highly censored and the first of its kind.<br />
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But, if you take away all the profanity and greasy illegal deals they scheme to make money, it in essence is a TV show about family and having each others backs no matter what.<br />
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These characters verses their real life persona is completely different than who they are but also the same as they have each others back and more integrity than anyone I have ever known.<br />
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Long story short, 20 years of this TV show, becoming a fan and getting sick as a fan changed my life.<br />
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If this is your first blog on this site, welcome. If not thanks for reading again.<br />
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While the show Trailer Park Boys aired, I got sick in 2005, went through a suicide attempt, multiple brain surgeries and got even sicker and a lot worse.<br />
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I ended up meeting Mike Smith (Bubbles) and Robb Wells (Ricky) in Toronto. By the time we met they knew who I was based on the awareness and advocacy. They actually used my decal (Cluster Headache sticker) on season 10 episodes 2 and 4. So they knew who I was, what happened to me and to be honest when I met them and Mike said " I know who you are, I know exactly who you are". well a little pee came out because he made my head so big I couldn't get it through the door for a week. It was so humbling to have some of the biggest Canadian celebrities acknowledge all the awareness and advocacy I did for a decade come to fruition. I felt to myself like what I did mattered.<br />
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Being an advocate for an invisible disease no one has heard about and having a tough time explaining to people that I live with the worlds most painful disease that people think you are trying to TRUMP their pain over yours is a curse itself. Or they think its just a headache. It is not.<br />
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As the years went by, Mike and I had a sorta online relationship of respect and kindness. Acknowledging our desire to help the homeless, spread awareness. Mike from Day 1 was my biggest supporter of helping others. I never asked him for help. Mike just did it. As time went on we developed a kinship. It wasn't fan and famous. It was just two Canadians trying to make a difference. Then it snowballed when I asked him to make a video for my dying friend. Which Mike graciously did, and Peter died 2 days later. Then my truck was broken into and the hand written homeless cards were stolen and not only did Mike replace them, he added a shit ton more.<br />
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Then one day, after almost 15 years of being sick, and being told by Doctors here, that there was no more hope for me and to go home. And getting 1% worse everyday finally taken its toll on me.<br />
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Mike is just Mike to me. Yes, 100% I am a die hard fan. But Mike is just Mike to me. He is my best pal first and foremost. But one day Mike reached out to me and found me at the lowest point in my life. Not even my beautiful wife could have stopped or saved me. I was hours from leaving this earth.<br />
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Mike stopped me by giving me HOPE. Something I had completely lost, something that no one could give me here. Then sent me to NYC for Stem Cell Therapy by Dr. Calapai and I immediately seen results and been getting better. That is NOT a celebrity selling himself. That is a human being the most kindest, sincerest, nicest human I have ever known. And for what? For no reason. Just top help someone Mike loves. I love Mike. I have never loved a man the way I love Mike. I can't even really describe how I feel. How could anyone really? Prevented a suicide, got me better, and is the most decent, humble down to earth buddy a guy could ask for. I would take a bullet, give a kidney or anything. I love the man with all my heart. I guess unless your in my shoes, its kinda hard to comprehend and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with his career. NOTHING. Mike coulda been a plumber and my feelings would be the same.<br />
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Next thing we know, we are in Halifax and telling everyone we are moving there. While some may have thought oh yeah, he is just saying that. Well the sold sign on the house should be concrete evidence we are leaving for good and never coming back to live here. While London has been my home for over 40 years, Nova Scotia will be our dream place to live.<br />
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How ironic it is that, we became friends, visited and now moving there and 3 weeks before we leave, they do a live show here in London just before we move.<br />
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As we hugged everyone good night at the tour bus, they looked at me and was like, see ya in a few weeks brother. To me, it was a beautiful send off to have my close buddy from here, hang out with my hero/friends and say good by to London. It was absolutely beautiful. It was full circle.<br />
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Good bye London.<br />
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Nova Scotia or Bust!<br />
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ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-17780681180460883552019-11-22T08:34:00.002-05:002020-03-29T08:26:40.604-04:00Without risk, there is no reward. Do not give up hope. Keep trying. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If you been following this blog you will know that I went from being suicidal, miserable, in such severe chronic pain 24/7 365 to actually having a quality of life. All from being a fan of a TV show. Crazy huh?<br />
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But lets look at actually what happened.<br />
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I been sick 15 years. July 25,2005 was the red letter date. The day my life changed forever. Just prior to that day, I lost a baby on my birthday. My son had been mauled by a dog, and was dealing with night terrors and that day something happened and wham I got the worlds most painful disease that day. I had been living with chronic migraines and IBS-d and back problems my entire life. But this was a whole new ball game. This changed everything.<br />
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From being diagnosed with " Sir, you have Trigeminal Cephalalgia Neuralgia aka Suicide Headaches, my next appointment is here and swiftly kicked out of the office. Jesus Murphy. could you have at least spent 2 min to tell me this disease has no cure? or that at some point the odds of me trying to kill myself might happen? Or that I am going to loose everything, including myself? Nope. Just leave.<br />
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Like anyone diagnosed with anything. Doctors text book prescriptions without listening. Here try this try that. Eventually I was 35 and impotent. Yeah something I love telling the world, that my hammer is no longer in use from medication. Since my ex ran off like a coward being unable to deal with my disease. I was single again, and at some point hoped to feel love again. So after YEARS of trying this, trying that with side effects of no sleep, impotence, weight gain, weight loss, dreams that would haunt you, stomach aches, and more side effects I took every pill and disposed of it. Week later, I felt better. Sadly even today I am on medications that will shorten my life. I am still working on that now. Hoping Ill get better or try a new medication or that the stem cells will help more....more later.....Over the next DECADE. yes 10 years, I had tried every pharmaceutical medication available for this disease, Some drugs to counter act, some to help with side effects of the side effect.. Just crap.<br />
and then I proceeded with brain surgery. That also took time to happen. About a year....<br />
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You do NOT just ask for brain surgery. You need years of proof that medications and every other avenue doesn't work. Listen to this interview ...The doctor on the right is the worlds leading specialist on cluster headaches. He is the gran poobah of Doctors on this disease. In this, he discusses every single damn way to treat cluster headaches. I have done every single one of them and MORE.<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir2wro32sOs" target="_blank">Dr.Peter Goadsby explains Clusters, CLICK HERE</a><br />
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In this time, I lost my marriage which turned out to be a blessing.....why is divorce expensive? Because its WORTH IT. Good lord, looking back...I'm so happy it happened. I lost my friends. Yup, if you can't keep up with the Jones's you are outta sight and mind. Again, another blessing. Thankfully, Karma has worked out beautifully, I even got to see it with my own eyes. I lost my business. That really hurt more than anything. It is something I truly loved and enjoyed.I miss it alot. But it happened for a reason. Eventually I lost myself. Before brain surgery I tried to commit suicide in Miami. So, when I say I have walked the walk...I have.<br />
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Meeting my wife was the best thing that ever happened to me. And Mike. I went from being a simple fan of a TV show to having Mike Smith save my life, send me to NYC for treatment and now having a better quality of life and now moving to Nova Scotia. My wife and I have never been happier in our life. The actual best days of my entire life were spent with Mike and my wife. It took less than 24 hours of Kristen and I being in Nova Scotia to know it is home. Where we need and want to be. It was an instantaneous mutually agreeable decision to leave London Ont and move to Sunnyvale!! We couldn't be happier. As expensive as its going to be moving across country, and starting over, we have no doubt in our minds it will be 100% worth it.<br />
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I am not trying to sell you to move there. But its where we are at peace.<br />
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On the flight home twice now from Halifax, I cried en route home because I didn't want to come back. Yet the 2nd trip was better because we were house shopping. This is a huge risk, but without risk comes no reward.<br />
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Had I committed suicide. I would have never had the opportunity to feel better. Even after Doctors here told me there was no more hope for me and to go home. Had I never listened to Mike, I would have never had stem cell. I've been cluster free since treatment, My sciatica from L4.5 is 95% pain free. My sciatica was so bad(to me) that I had to use 4 robax just to walk because the pain was so intense. My aphasia, literally overnight stopped. My libido is of a 18 yr old who could swing a bat and hit a home run every game. My mental health is the best its ever been. I am happy. I am much less pain. Ive had 1 bad week in 27 weeks. I used to have 5 migraines a week minimum. I've had 1 tension headache. The 4th un diagnosable headache is still fighting me hard. It is still kicking my ass, the ketorolac (Torodol) i take for this head pain is destroying my kidneys but more painfully my stomach. But over all I am a completely different person. I wake up smiling ear to ear. I love life now. I want to live in happiness, peace and joy. I was miserable here. I never realized I could be this happy in my life. I owe all this to Mike for helping me and my wife for not giving up on me like the long list of cowards back here. Its A-OK. Mike made up for every douche bag coward that split when I got sick or the sicker I got. I have no malice towards anyone, no hard feelings. I am at peace. But me rushing out to tell people I am better to those who didn't give a fuck I was alive is at a zero.<br />
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Life is better, life is worth living. Had this stem cell never happened I wouldn't be here because I would have given up, but a friend listened, cared and offered help. Please if you are struggling for whatever reason now. DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Keep trying. Without risk, there is no reward.<br />
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Good bye forever London..... Sunnyvale, please have Bo Banders open the gate, we coming home.<br />
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ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-16608396080635948812019-10-27T07:39:00.001-04:002020-03-29T08:27:12.569-04:00Ending my life would have stopped any chance of this happening!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In the end of April 2019, I was planning my suicide. I was 8-12 hours away. I am sorry if this upsets you, or your thoughts of me wanting to die thinking I am a coward for wanting to cash out, or you simply just understood the severity of my life.<br />
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I don't want to write how bad my life was. Because<br />
<a name='more'></a> it was. Maybe you think you could have handled it. After 15 years it would take a toll on anyone. I wasn't depressed. I still wanted to live, I still wanted to do things in life. But I completely lost all hope. There was nothing left in me anymore.I couldn't do it anymore.<br />
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My wife and I had been helping the homeless for 5 years, and giving out "HOPE bags" (consisting of socks, gloves, toque, band aids, peanut free granola bar, water, personal wipes, a $7 Tim Horton's gift card with hand written card of encouragement, tooth brush and tooth paste, and personal hygiene for women). Even handing these bags out and offering hope to these less fortunate people. I was selling HOPE but had no idea at the time I had lost all of mine.<br />
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It started September 2018. I had gone to the pain clinic here in London. I waited 1 year for this appointment. It would have been much longer had I not checked because my appointment was forgotten about. Yes, the Dr, forgot to send in my referral a year ago. I kept calling every 6 months and inquired where I was in the waiting list. I was told just wait. At the year mark, I finally asked of they had my referral and they said sorry, we forgot. After complaining I got in. I had such great hope of at least getting a diagnosis, or perhaps cut me open and find out about this 4th un-diagnosable headache I have that causes me to be 100% bedridden without medication. Unfortunately the medication will cut my life short because of the medication. Its not a narcotic. I do not take narcotics for headaches because they don't help. I been offered everything to fentanyl. Which I turned down. Because of turning it down at another doctors office I was told I must not be in that much pain then. Which was not the case. The amount of people dying from that is terrible. I am smart enough to see what it does to people. Who knows, it may have helped. But what happens one day when they say I can't have it anymore, or I become addicted to it? No thanks I have enough health problems.<br />
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This appointment was the last straw. Meaning I had completely and utterly exhausted every medical avenue for this head pain that I am in 24./7. It started over 4 years ago. Just woke up one day throwing up with the feeling of someone pushing my head down as I try to stand up. It makes you vomit, and be bed ridden. The pain is not severe like a Suicide Headache or Migraine. It makes your entire body want to dig its own grave and jump in. It doesn't stop. EVER. Unlike a cluster headache that lasts 3 hours or less, a migraine I've had for weeks or less. Tensions are only hours. This is 24/7. No remission. EVER.<br />
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I've had numerous x rays, several cat scans with and without fluid. A MRI, Seen GP's to neurosurgeons and finally a physiatrist (Fiz-Zi-A-Trist). The medical team said " I am sorry, sometimes we just do not know, ad the risk of going in there could leave you in a wheel chair". I was gladly willing to try. Even if it left me in a chair. and the last statement they told me was " The medication you are on WILL END YOUR LIFE QUICKLY, if you continue to stay on it". Wonderful. Well, I said I would rather live 5 years out of bed than 30 in it crawling on the floor to use the washroom. Then I left in tears. Between that appointment and April when Mike Smith saved my life. I had enough and had ballooned to 350 lbs. My pain got worse every single day by at least 1%. Imagine everyday for years your life gets worse everyday by 1%. Day after day, month after month, year after year. It really takes a toll on a humans well being. Mentally and physically. In no way shape or form was I depressed. I still loved life, I still wanted to do more in life. Help more homeless. But I couldn't do it anymore. I even stopped vlogging. I couldn't help people stay positive when I wanted to die myself.<br />
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This, I admit is the shit part of of this blog. I have to write it because its very important.<br />
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Isolation. Do you know what that means? Has it every happened to you? I don't mean you haven't heard from someone in a week or so. I am talking years. One day I went through my facebook account. I took a long look at the 350 + people who were on it. Who is in town, who lived far away. Who I would hear from online or by phone or in person. The car club I was belonged to. People I have known 30 years. I looked at my phone which keeps a record of texts, calls and emails. and hmmmmmm it had been 2.5 YEARS since I heard from 99% of them. Sad isn't it? I also made sure before deleting FAKEBOOK friends that I was the last person to reach out to them. Sad.<br />
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I had deleted these people over a year ago.(not one of them knew or asked why they were deleted-NO ONE) The minute I am on TV because of Mike, the facebook requests poured in. With messages ...."Can you tell Mike this, can you get me an autograph, etc".<br />
Classic fake ass friends. Fairweather friends. Only using me. Or wanting something. My wife was like where the fuck they been the last 2.5 years or even before that? Yet if they seem me in public I must be fine and healthy. Yet did they only know that seeing me at the store getting bread and milk was my entire day. I understand, healthy people don't get it and just assume. I had already lost people because they felt it was "Just a headache, and I should just take a Tylenol" and quite my whining. Only when I had brain surgery did some actually say" Maybe it is that bad". LMFAO!!!!<br />
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Now, I know you are thinking this is a pretty negative but I am positive many who are sick face isolation. Isolation sucks ass. Being sick is one thing. Being alone is another. Which is why I am so grateful for my wife, dog and dad being in my life. Sending 1 email per year ONLY when I am on TV acknowledging our efforts for helping the homeless isn't friendship. Id like to point out that two of my buddies here who did visit me are sick them self with pain. So they get it, they visited. They actually gave a fuck. And for that I am very grateful. I'd rather have 1 real friend than a bunch of fake friends. At home I would see online they would drive 5 hours to stand in someones garage to look at car parts rather than drive across town and see if I am alive. It is ok. I get it. I know what their priorities are.<br />
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So, April 2019 my life changed forever. If you have read the last few blogs you know that Mike Smith saved my life. He caught and stopped me from making me have any chance of my life getting better. Had I committed suicide. I would not have had he last 23 weeks of my life get better. Thanks to Dr.Calapai in NYC for Stem Cell.<br />
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This man who films a fucking TV show, has a beautiful family. Wife, 2 kids, immediate family. close friends, several companies, travels the globe, stopped what he was doing to not only save my life but send me for treatment, and invite my wife and I into their lives with open arms. So not for a second to I believe my old friends didn't have time for me.They simply didn't make time or cared. Yet Mike, the busiest human I know to this very day takes time to talk to me.<br />
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Honestly. In April 2019 before Mike reached out to me....not in a million years did I think for a nano second that ANY of this could possibly happen to me.<br />
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Put yourself in my position. Having the worlds most painful disease, a suicide attempt in Dec 2008. Then 4 brain surgeries. Getting far sicker than I ever could imagine. Then hours from suicide a huge celebrity saves my life, sends me to NYC for stem cell therapy, then I fly to Halifax, spend the entire week with Mike and family. And decide within 24 hours we are moving to Nova Scotia for good. Then becoming friends with so many kind and loving people there.<br />
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Seeing the studio where they film, hanging out with celebrities to better health. OMG. It is crazy to think 23 weeks ago I was going to hang myself in the garage. Now, the house is for sale, we are going to a place that makes us feel so loved, so welcome, so beautiful and so at peace. It is crazy. And fucking incredible how life has changed for the better.<br />
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Let me set the record straight. I could care or less what Mike or any of my friends do for a living. Yes I am a fan 100% and will remain a fan but these people are my friends/family. My loyalty to them is just that. I have told Mike and would give that man a kidney, take a bullet for him. I have never loved another man in my life. Ever. And I love Mike with all my heart. It has NOTHING to do with what he does or has done or who he knows. I am not star struck by his friends. They are just people. Good people. I don't ask for autographs, or pictures. I am just happy to have friends who care deeply for me visa versa. It is actually nice for a change to have people want you in their lives and not want something from you. Genuine as they get.<br />
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Since August. I have flown back to Halifax to scope out some houses and find our forever home. While I was there I got to break bread with many of my family there. Life is so different there. The people are inviting, warm, genuine and very positive. We have never felt so welcome anywhere. The landscape is absolutely beautiful. I try to explain it to Ontarion's and say its like Muskoka (cottage country for the rich) but 1/3rd the price. Lakes everywhere, a population the same size as London but spread out across hours of driving. I t will take a long time to get used to. New city, new and very very different roads, Finding a new doctor, new drivers license. We are starting 100% over. Everything will be new. So anyone who has moved across country ad started over will know. The move isn't the hard part. Waiting to be there is. Waiting to sell the house, solidifying employment for my wife. Buying a house there. Its a huge journey. This took less than 24 hours in Halifax for us to decide in August this is where we need to be. Where we want to be. Where our hearts are.<br />
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People go on trips and think, "oh it would be nice to live here" and nothing happens. Because of employment or its another country. We went to Dartmouth and instantly felt we could live there and have a life there. it also helped that we made friends there to help us find a doctor, a place to live, etc. The friend ships we have made will be life long friends. It truly is a beautiful place to live. We would rather fail at trying to be happy than miserable here being successful. This view never gets old.<br />
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People go out west (BC) to find themselves, People who move to the Maritimes have already found themselves. Nova Scotia reminds me alot of BC where I was born. I would love to live in BC but the cost of living would leave me homeless. Whereas Nova Scotia housing is cheaper for more. And their winters are not as bad as many think. New Brunswick and Newfoundland get the worst of winter. Halifax doesn't generally get snow that sticks until end of December and in May its gone. Same as here. Summers are beautiful. I am at an age where 30c isn't fun anymore. A nice 23-25c is all I need.<br />
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At some point I think Id like a Jet Ski. My interest in cars is zero. I simply don't care anymore like I used to. I used to be so heavily involved in the car scene. Now, I just simply don't care. Maybe one day it would be nice to have another neat car. But we just want to get moved out there and start exploring Nova Scotia. So much to see and do. I am 47 years old now. Ill be almost 50 once we are all set in the new house. I had 15 years of my life stolen from me. The next 15 years of my life are going to be my choice how to live. With people who care I am alive. With people who wish me well, call me, text me, visit me, and don't give a fuck that I am sick. I am just Tom to them and that is all I ever needed. I don't want special treatment from anyone for any reason. Just all I ever asked for was understanding when I had a bad day.<br />
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So here I am on Tuesday this week. Having dinner with some people who happen to be super famous. I could have cared or less what their job titles are. Or what they have done in their career. But it hit me sitting there. I was sitting at a dinner table with 3 friends. While others stared, I sat there in total disbelief that my life went from how I was going to tie a rope around my neck, to sitting with people who cared I am alive and having a much better quality of life. For that I am eternally grateful. I could care or less that they are famous. Just friends to me. That is all I ever wanted. Sometimes, it is all someones needs. A little compassion, some laughter, a good meal.and some amazing friends. Never in a million years did I think any of this could happen to me. I don't give a fuck they are famous. They are just people. But the moral of this blog is to show you how shitty life can be to how amazing life can get by never giving up hope.<br />
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Your life can change for the better. Never give up hope. I understand my story is an anomaly. My life has been just that. My case is extremely rare. But I have purpose in life. My life has meaning. My life with my wife has a future now. It is no longer just trying to make it to midnight. It is future plans of doing the Cabot Trail, hiking, campfire with family. It is a better quality of life. Isn't that what everyone wants? Do not give up hope. Your life can change in a nano second for the better. Your mind can be blown like mine! Just do not give up.<br />
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ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-35107242630062703772019-08-30T04:46:00.004-04:002020-03-29T08:27:44.667-04:00Bubbles, aka Mike Smith saved my life! From fan to friend......Never give up HOPE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have looked death more than once right in the face. I was in a place of shame, misery, pain and suffering and when doctors here told me there is nothing we can do for you, and the medication will end your life sooner than later.....it would break anyone after being sick 15 years.<br />
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And all of this changed from a TV show.....fucking crazy isn't it?<br />
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I am confident you have at least heard of <br />
<a name='more'></a>" The Trailer Park Boys" , right? It was an instant cult Canadian hit. The first ever real life mokumentary about drinking, weed and shenanigans! But underneath all the 'Fuck off Lahey's, joints, and greasy deals to make money, its a TV show about having each others backs no matter what. Sunnyvale Trailer Park is not just a park. It is a community of family, love and acceptance. And all these actors in real life are just that....a family who has each others backs no matter what. And me, yes Tom from London Ontario. A freaking nobody was welcomed into the park with open arms making me feel as one of their own. I went from fan to friend instantly.<br />
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Kristen and I, we do not think of them as celebrities. We know who they are. But they are actual friends. I do not say any of this boasting or showboating. We truly care for these people as they have shown way more love to us than we could ever imagine.<br />
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If you have not read the last 2 blogs, STOP right now, book mark where you are, go back and read it. It will bring you up to speed today, GO!<br />
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Thanks for that. Now you are up to speed.<br />
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Literally, on our flight home from NY. I said "Kristen, what do we have planned for your holidays in August?" She said oddly enough, a couple car shows and that is it. Odd because in the last 10 years my wife's time off of 2 weeks holidays has been broken into a day here. a day there for this doctor appointment, this surgery etc. Basically my wife's last decade of holidays has been spent in doctors offices, hospitals so yeah. Lets go to Halifax!. People who used to be friends, don't call, don't visit. The sicker I got the least I heard from anyone. I would see more doctors in 2 weeks than friends in an entire year. It is what it is.<br />
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One friend actually said :" What do you do with your day?" Well, lets see. I was down 120 hours last week, you work 40 hours and get overtime. I do not. Being sick is a full time job!. And the government doesn't give me more money for being sicker. Anyway, you get the gist of what I am trying to convey. Don't feel sad. be happy I feel much better!<br />
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So we planned the trip. We had some plans to visit Peggy's Cove, possibly PEI, and some other sights.I was in constant contact with Mike Smith, the actor who plays Bubbles. This will be the last time I refer to him in that context. Because Mike is my best friend. I do not need to exploit him, post pictures that are private to us both to prove or appease anyone. Real friends don't exploit each other. But I will tell you this about Mike. He is kinder, nicer and has a bigger heart than any human being I've ever known. It has NOTHING to do with what he is and more so WHO he is as a human being. If you know Mike Smith personally like I do. You are one truly lucky person. He is the most kindest person I have ever known. Not just because he saved my life and gave me life. But the person he is deep down. Smith has helped countless people in his lifetime. God, I hope he isn't pissed or isn't mad that I brag about him because he is so fucking humble he wants zero recognition from anyone for anything. He in all honesty is the most humble person I have ever known. Generous to a fault. A bigger Beatles fan than me ( I didn't think that could be possible), a human who would stop what he is doing literally to help someone for no reason and go out of his way to make sure no one knows its him. Elvis was like that.<br />
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Kristen and I arrive in Halifax and from the moment before the plane landed. I looked out the cabin window, seen the lush green province and immediately my heart felt joy and peace and knew we were home. Not on a trip.<br />
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We ended up spending the entire trip with Mike and the family. We fell in love instantly with the family. We gelled instantly. Mike and I have been getting closer over the past few months and I was scared to get there and think : Hand shake from Mike and Hey Bud. I saved your life, here is an autograph and best wishes. Nope. Mike invited us into his life with open arms, including his entire family. I have never ever felt so incredibly welcome and home.We were very fortunate to spend time with his wife's parents who are just fabulous kind loving great hearted people. Mikes dad and their kids. Kristen and I could have cared or less that we chose to miss out on some sights. We were just so happy to be there, spend quality family time with them.<br />
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If you know my wife personally. You will know that she is the easiest person going, Happy Go Lucky and has a heart of gold. Meeting Mikes wife was like I met my wife again. The kindest most sweetest lady I have ever met next to my wife. She is a carbon copy of Kristen, Yet Kristen will disagree and say she is sweeter, nicer and funnier.<br />
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If you are hoping to read some intimate moments, I am sorry to advise you but those moments are private and those memories of us being together are just that. Private. But those 7 days in Nova Scotia, were the absolute best days of my entire life. I did more in 7 days with them than I have done in 10 YEARS! Fact!<br />
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I also had some firsts for me in Nova Scotia.<br />
I had a severe fear of open water. Well I still do but its much better.<br />
I went on a sea doo/jet ski. For the first time in my life. I don't even think I seen sea doo in person. I am not sure but if I did. It was not something I was remotely interested then. Now I want one!<br />
First time on a boat in decades.<br />
First Donair<br />
First time wearing cologne in years, as it was a major trigger for headaches. (* when going to a doctors office and the sign says fragrance free. Please adhere to it. A strong smell can trigger a week of suffering*)<br />
First time I had alcohol in 11 years and 8 months. Last time I had a drink I stepped in front of a bus Dec 31,2008 at my first suicide attempt. I never drank a drop since. My first sip of any alcohol was Freedom 35 Beer. And fuck, it was Decent!( I didn't drink by choice)<br />
First time in the Maritimes.<br />
First time having a lobster sandwich. Still unsure if I liked it. Maybe Ill try one more time,<br />
First time being awake at 2:45 am and not in pain!!! Holy shit. Crazy huh!<br />
and the most important thing to me....First time being accepted for who I am with open arms. No one gives a shit who I am and that is perfect. I never wanted pity from anyone. Just friendship.<br />
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To me, that is the epitome of what life is about. Relationships. That means way more to me than anything. A very intelligent smart man who I got to spend time with told me verbatim" I don't give a fuck what anyone does for a living, but how you treat people means everything". That same guy then praised Kristen and I for helping others. Something I should start doing which I am terrible at....compliments. I don't like them. But I have to learn to accept them.<br />
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So yeah, it was many firsts for me, some even for Kristen. None of my firsts were planned and many I would have said no fucking way. But I did, lived to tell and have new loves because of it. I lived in a bubble for so many years.<br />
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The entire trip my health was much better. Only one bad morning and I am sure it was something I ate when I was medicated.Even my wife's tremor in her hand stopped. It actually reduced greatly when we were in New York getting treatment. I know my health affects my wife's health. It is nothing on purpose and neither anyone's fault. When we returned here back to London the tremor returned.<br />
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We were very fortunate to go to Swearnet. The home to where everything is created for the Boys. I will tell you that the staff are family related or not. This is a place anyone would work at. All smiles by everyone. A happy positive work environment.<br />
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The place is huge, It has to be. They film there. This is where the animated series is made, the show Park After Dark podcast is filmed and many more shows! Go to www.swearnet.com A membership is only $4.20 a month of $40 a year. Time well wasted.<br />
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The studio is incredible and what you may think it is. Many different current sets for production and many from the past and many for the future. I personally just love behind the camera as much as being in front of one. The whole filming industry fascinates me. Its why our living room is film themed. The person who creates the sets and props is so incredibly talented. My wife just loves her work. Kristen would love to do that!<br />
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I was very fortunate to go to a secret warehouse and see all the Trailer Park Boys vehicles and the famous "Shitmobile". A car that is as legendary as the General Lee and Batmobile. This pile of rotten rust should be in a museum at some point. I hope it is never crushed. Being a car guy and a true fan of the show, this was one of the biggest highlights for me going to Swearnet to see the cars!<br />
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Everyone at Swearnet treated us like gold. They all made me feel like a celebrity. They fulfilled a dream of mine. I don't even think they know. But we made history together. Being able to spread the message and awareness for cluster headache sufferers world wide meant so much to me. Even though I am getting better, I will never forget those who are suffering and struggling to make it through another day. That is what this entire blog page is about., cluster headaches. If I can save a life, help one person with all of this. Give them hope. Then I accomplished what I set out to do by helping people.<br />
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I am sure some were hoping to hear some intimate details with Mike, Robb and JP. And I am sorry to say, they are just that. Personal and private moments. Do you plaster pics of your friends showboating on fakebook? I think...there is only 1 photo of Mike and I on fakebook and I didn't ask for the photo nor did I take any photos of us together. I am sure others got pics of us. But I never asked anyone for a photo or autograph because simply. These people are our friends. I am beyond grateful for that.<br />
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Kristen and I were fortunate enough to be in the heart of Halifax, see the local culture, experience it, live it, eat it and fell head over heels in love with it. A large muscular man, hehe told me " Maritime life is much different out here. It is a great place to live and a way of life like no other". And he didn't even have to sell me on the idea. I knew landing off the plane this is where we want to be. We are meant to be here.<br />
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What is so different to me is London Ontario where we live is so north, east, south, and west. There its twists and turns and corners, and a million lakes. Making each drive scenic, beautiful and fun! There is no boring stretch of road. I laugh they call London the Forest City. Whoever came up with that should visit Nova Scotia and take that back. Its actually humorous.<br />
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While in Nova Scotia we made many life time friendships. People I call friends. People I want to know further. People who share the same values, morals and goals in life. People I would break bread with. People who want Kristen and I in Nova Scotia. I am sure you can read where this is leading.<br />
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My father left Europe on 24 hours notice, and came to Canada with my mother, and 3 year old with $25 to his name. To have a better life. A better future. My dad said he respects our decision to leave. Which is why Kristen and I are moving to Nova Scotia.<br />
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I was born in BC. Lived in Ontario since I was 4 years old and now will spend my remaining life in Nova Scotia. My wife has traveled Canada, Europe and most of her life in Ontario. She is more than happy to leave. She knows we have a future there. A better quality of life not just because of our friends but its cheaper to live there sick. I felt healthier there. And we have a future there. I am 47 years old. I have been so sick for 15 years getting worse every year, actually every day I was getting worse. Mike saved my life and gave me life. And for once in 15 years I feel better. I don't want to live miserable and stuck in London. We want peace and happiness. I want that for others too, don't we all in life?<br />
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That is what I learned on this trip. I got a chance to see how other people live. With respect, courtesy and kindness. With beautiful surroundings no matter which way your head is pointed there. It is lush, serene and beautiful. I get why people flock to British Columbia. It is really heaven on earth there. But it costs so much to live in BC that I would be homeless. The Maritimes is equally as beautiful, for a fraction of the price. In comparison this home we live in is worth $350,000 all day long for a 900 sq ft home. Probably more as the market is hot. This same home with 5 x the size of lot close to the water will run you $265,000. Insurance is half. Just to give you an example. Yet this house in Vancouver would be over a million. Stupid isn't it. My income will never change on disability. It doesn't matter where I live. The amount I live on is the same anywhere, so living cheaper helps us greatly.<br />
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This is an opportunity of a life time to leave, to move there and already know people we call family. Actually I think they all called us family before the words came out of my mouth. But feelings are mutual. Mutual love, mutual respect. This is where we are going to call home.<br />
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At some point when we get settled. down the road after we move, we want to continue to help the homeless. And maybe. just maybe I will start vlogging again. Who knows. But up rooting my entire life from London to Nova Scotia will be crazy. The logistics, the cost, employment for my wife and leaving. It is not as simple as moving across town. But if Kristen and I don't do this now. We never will and will regret it for the rest of our life.<br />
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Its funny, going to Beverly Hills or Caribbean trips you always say wow, wouldn't it be nice to live like this....and you know deep down it can never happen because of life back wherever your home is. Yet this time, we want and can make this our home.<br />
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For the nay sayers, who think that they have 2 weeks of summer and 11.5 months of winter, you are wrong, They have 4 seasons. unlike here where its Winter then dead hot summer. We didn't even have a fucking spring here this year. I will not miss Ontarrible weather.<br />
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Will I miss Ontario? I cant speak for Kristen. But nope. My life the last 15 years has been the least bit fun. The so called friends and people I knew here couldn't care or less I am alive. Cowards only honk thinking their childish behavior gets a rise from me. but i'm laughing inside so great thinking Bub Bye. One day they will be laying in a hospital bed wondering where everyone went. Karma.So nah. no love lost. I'm good. The friends I have here are welcome to come visit us anytime. and chances are they will want to move too. Nor am I going to gloat at the new life we now have. I knew deep down and told Kristen this trip will change our life forever. I said that as the plane left London. She now agrees with me. Our lives are forever changed. Not just because I feel better. We have a life now. It is in Nova Scotia.<br />
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If you get the chance to visit Halifax, and you love great food go to The Economy Shoe Shop. On Argyle Street. Also Sniggily Wigggily's is an excellent live entertainment bar with hilarious comedy nights on Sunday. A bucket list for me one day to write enough material to tell jokes. One day....<br />
The Toothy Moose is another late night hotspot!. Its literally a block and a half from the water front. If taking a ferry over from Dartmouth you can walk off the boat, to the bar in under 5 minutes. Downtown Halifax is spotless, new, vibrant and exciting. They have designated smoking areas and if you puff puff pass, you will be a ok. A few times I was having a splif and a cop pulled right up to me and smiled. I have not been to a bar since I met my wife. I've had no reason too. But these bars are awesome. Not a single fight, no egos. Those are left at home. Everyone was inviting, warm and welcome. One thing I noted and maybe its the same back here too. But Pride is everywhere in Halifax and it was so nice to see Love is Love. The LGTBQ is welcome in straight bars, and seen it first hand. Its not even a thing there. Like it shouldn't be anywhere. People. That is all they are to me. I am the least bit racist/homophobic person I know. Acceptance is alive and well there and I hope my LGTBQ friends come to visit us. No one gives a crap and that is how it should be. I hope its the same way here.<br />
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I look back and literally shake my head how a TV show, yes a TV brought us together, A few years ago I befriended a gentleman who moved from the UK to Nova Scotia to marry the love of his life. They married and two bambino's came along. My friend has been more than supportive with my awareness and helping the homeless. In days I seen dark days which were everyday, he always checked up on me. Always called, left thousands of voicemails making sure I was alive. Having me on his podcast several times as a guest on "Majors Mess Hall Podcast" He has been nothing short of a true friend. I got to finally meet him in person and show him the true dickhead that I am....just kidding. We gelled instantly like Mike and I except Mike and I's relationship is deeper. Simply because he saved my life. But my pal Gav, is just an amazing father/husband and friend. I feel incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful friend. He is just one of many people who have accepted us. He pulled me aside after our first night and thanked me for not committing suicide and thanked Mike for saving my life. That is the point of this blog today.<br />
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It isn't that I partied and had the time of my life with the boys. It is that life can change in a nano second for the better. For 15 years I have lived with the worlds most painful disease. A title I fucking loathe to have. Not one I ever wanted. I survived a suicide attempt, and almost another and I almost died many times form carbon monoxide, a fall, and an infection after one of my 4 brain surgeries. For 15 years every single god damn day of my life got 1% worse. Add 1% everyday for 15 years it adds up. Strength doesn't come from lifting weights, or a job. It comes from falling down 7x and getting up 8. I m in disbelief when I hear people complain about life that they have yet I prayed for the life they complain about. My ex friends who left me in the hospital and never once cared to see if I was alive. I forgive them for being cowards. But one thing I never lost was integrity.Those cowards don't know what integrity is. I think its what kept me going. To help others, takes the suffering and pain away and I know what it is like first hand to just think to yourself I just need to make it to midnight mentality" Just get through one more day. When Mike saved my life. I had lost all HOPE. Mike gave me hope and in turn gave me life. And now a new life.<br />
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I hope you were not expecting me bragging I was partying with the Trailer Park Boys. Sorry, I will never do that. But I will tell you that Mike, Robb, JP, Pat,Jason and all the families mean more to me than anything. They are not their jobs or titles. They are people that I admire and respect who have careers in the public eye. My time with them will always be private.<br />
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To my knowledge, I know I am the only person in the world who has had this many surgeries for clusters and lived the life I have. The relentless pain and suffering for over a decade ad thinking I was going to die in London and think that the rest of my life was going to be more relentless suffering and hurt from others. That is all changed now. Some human being for no fucking reason other than the goodness of their hearts saved me and wanted zero recognition. Why? No reason, because it was the right thing to do. Did they take note of what Kristen and I have accomplished while sick?. Sure, and that was never my intention that 10 years ago helping to advocate and awareness for cluster headaches, and helping the homeless for 5 years was never my goal to be recognized. It wasn't even a thought. And Kristen and I would keep doing it had we not plan to leave London. Now we will do it in Nova Scotia.<br />
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I am sure this blog may come as a surprise to come and some may say I don't blame you I would leave too. I am very proud of my accomplishments in life. I fulfilled a dream and opened my own Hot Rod Barber shop. We helped create awareness locally ad globally for Clusters. The decal was designed by me here in London. I did a lot here. I am proud of the things we done here. But its time to go. Some wont miss us. Those are the people who didn't care I was alive. That is ok. Mike has made up for every single douche bag I have encountered in my life who has fucked me over. We are good. I hold no resentments. I am so happy in life now and will be happier in the very near future. We will finally have peace in life. It is all everyone wants isn't it?<br />
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Let this blog be the glimmer of HOPE you need in times of darkness. Your life can change in a nano second. I am living proof. God, I wish you could see the smile on my face as I write this. I am happy. We are happy. Never give up HOPE.<br />
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Thank you for being apart of my journey, peace. And pain free wishes to anyone going through shit.<br />
Check out "Park After Dark" Podcast by The Trailer Park Boys on www.swearnet.com or listen on iTunes. Aug 30,2019 the podcast with me as a guest airs. Have a watch / listen. It was a bucket list to be in Sunnyvale. Guess what? We are moving to Sunnyvale!<br />
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<a href="https://www.swearnet.com/shows/park-after-dark/seasons/1/episodes/22" target="_blank">Watch the Podcast Here! at Swearnet, Click Here</a><br />
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ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-36866769249086233162019-06-04T08:26:00.001-04:002020-03-29T08:27:53.159-04:00Stem Cell Treatment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I went from not wanting to be here to being on a private jet flying to NYC all because a friend offered to help for no reason other than being a kind decent human being by giving a very sick friend HOPE.<br />
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Yes, that is where it began.<br />
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You know Mike Smith from the hit TV series" The Trailer Park Boys" or the band"Sandbox" or you know Mike from Nova Scotia. Either way. I knew Mike the same way you most likely did as "Bubbles". The thick glass wearing, kitty loving sweet innocent character. I know him now as Mike. And that is who he is to me. Not the TV/movie star, not the musician. He is a friend and hero to me. I know I met him as a fan but was just happy being his friend.<br />
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In April of 2019 I was struggling pretty bad. It all started last September of 2018. I had then waited over a year to see the Pain Clinic. I had such high hopes and was so optimistic that going to see a physciatrist (Fiz si a trist)with a potential procedure was my last and final hope. I had seen my GP, my neurologist, my neurosurgeon all with hopes of a diagnosis so I can get treatment for this this undiagnosable head/neck pain I been fighting with for 4 years on top of all the 3 other headaches.<br />
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Everything I have gone through since 2005 has been a direct result of cluster headaches. Everything.<br />
The 4 brain surgeries, the PTSD, the TBI, the 4th headache/neck pain. The constant 2am stomach aches, the 3 hours a day on the toilet, the memory loss, the pain....im sure you get what I am trying to convey. Cluster Headaches or Suicide Headaches is Trigeminal Cephalalgia Neuralgia. The worlds most painful disease known to medical science!. And trust me 100%. I take ZERO pride in that statement from doctors. I would have been so happy a doctor diagnosed me and said oh its 73rd on the list. go home and continue life. If that was the case, then I would have never hard 4 brain surgeries or a plethora of health problems. This statement of "Worlds Most Painful Disease" did not come from me. I take no pride nor is it an award I care to bare. So don't think for a second I am trying to Trump anyone's pain.<br />
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I don't want to focus this blog on the relentless suffering for 15 years. But I can tell you everything is a direct result of cluster headaches. All the surgeries, the weight gain, the medications that are killing me, the pain, the pain from pain...its relentless and exhausting even thinking about it.<br />
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Along the way. I lost myself.<br />
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For 4 years I been hoping to get a diagnoses for this 4th headache/pain. Seen every possible doctor my GP and I could come up with for help. Numerous x rays, several cat scans, a MRI, a long list of trial medications and finally one medication that gave me 40% relief. Ketorolac (Torodol). If you google it or know of someone in health care they will tell you that it is only supposed to be used for 5 days. I been on it 3 years!!!!. Do you have any idea how much damage I have done to my body from it? So stop right? That would be the logical way of handling it or trying another medication? I did, Many. More than I can even care to remember. Go without? I am 100% bedridden without meds. Literally I have tried to crawl to the bathroom without it.<br />
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After a YEAR wait to see a physciatrist at the pain clinic, I was told verbatim " Sometimes, we just don't know. Going in surgically is to much risk and the meds you are on will end you life sooner than later". Wonderful I am going to die soon. I said id rather live 5 years out of bed on Torodol than 30 in it. And left. They suggested I join a support group almost a year from my appointment. Stupid. I needed that group 15 years ago when I got sick not now.<br />
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Since that appointment in September I stopped vlogging, I went home to inevitably plan my death overtime.<br />
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I don't think some grasp the severity or long term damage being sick can do to a person. Either the medications come with side effects which require more medications to offset the side effects, medications destroying my kidneys and stomach. I waste 1-3 HOURS a day on the toilet. And its not fun to put it mildly. Every day I got 1% worse. Never once in 15 years did I ever get 1% better. I got worse every day. Day after day, week after week, Year after year. It takes a toll on a persons mental capacity what they can withstand. I'm not crying a pity party here. But it would take a toll on the strongest of humans and strength isn't from lifting weights. I've had the shittiest human beings hurt me, and I moved forward. I had the worst possible painful disease and kept going. I had numerous brain surgeries, trials, medications and never got relief. I lost my career, my vanity, friends and relationships all because of this fucking disease. A disease that is 20 x the national suicide rate. It takes a part of you that you think is gone forever. Over 25,000 hours of my life Ill never get back.<br />
I was a day maybe two from cashing out. I had...enough. For months Id day to my wife. Don't be sad I'm gone, be happy I'm no longer in pain. And as much as I worship the ground my wife walks on. She couldn't help me.<br />
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Since September 2018 it got worse everyday, I had reached my boiling point months ago, It was so hard. I was literally trying to make it to midnight everyday. I went to bed early but if I made it to midnight in my head I won another day. It got so bad I I couldn't stop crying. You cry in pain but this was different. Not depression. But sick and tired of being sick and tired.<br />
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Mike and I had been chatting off and on, he recently helped me with a couple things. He was kind and made a shout out video to a friend of mine who passed away. Then my truck got broken into and the pricks stole the cards for the homeless. Which Mike replaced and added a shit ton more. 36 in total of $7 cards. Mike and I were chatting a fair bit. I really had forgotten about who he was in life and he was just a buddy who lived in Nova Scotia.<br />
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One day in April. I think ( could be wrong) the 25th, he caught me at probably the lowest part of my life. I was ready to go, planning it in my head, how where and try not to make a mess for my family. I had enough. All the pain, all the hurt,(two completely different things). I had enough. I wanted to go.<br />
And Mike got ahold me of for no reason other than hey man....how ya doing? And for whatever reason. I just verbaly dirreah all over him. I wasn't remotely concerned with who he was or I could possibly have him hang up and think that guy is fucked. But he did not. He said"I wanna help you". At first I thought thanks Mike, I know who ya are and all but I know ya can't help me. "No, I am going to help you "for real....and then a light switch went off and I though Oh shit, he is dead serious....Ok Mike, how? I know the best Stem Cell specialist ! Prior to this conversation I had ONLY heard of Stem Cells and knew absolutely nothing about it.<br />
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No, Mike knew I was sick but had no clue how bad my life was in a 24 hour schedule. Mike asked me to email my medical story in my words. 6.5 hours it took me and its a 45 min read going fast. He said I'll send this to my Doc in the states and we are gonna help you!<br />
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At first I was blown away, I didn't know what to say other than thank you. An offer no one has given me before for all the crap wrong with me, I was told here to go home. Now someone wants to help me...it gave me HOPE. Something I lost a long time ago. My wife and I had out HOPE bags year round focusing on Christmas time but I never knew what hope was until I lost it completely.<br />
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Mike lit a fire in me that's been dead for years. I lost who I was or who I was to be.Its hard to explain an invisible disease to people who THINK they know or are greatly misinformed with what happens to me. My life in the public eye would have been easier had I been visibly sick. And when I am visibility sick. I hide.<br />
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Within a coupe days a GoFundMe was up, Mike was cranking out videos on Cameo.com to raise funds. Mike had set a goal in mind because of the costs involved to get treatment, fly me there, hotel, food, taxi etc. It was NOT cheap. But a procedure, a chance at a better quality of life that Mike believed in as he had personal experiences with people and Stem Cell Treatment that had very positive results. Mike seen first hand the benefits. And to me, it couldn't happen fast enough.<br />
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That day without a doubt in my mind and including my wife's mind and heart. Mike Smith saved my life. I would NOT be here if it wasn't for him. Period. And in all fairness I was happy to just to call Mike a friend and chat. I needed his friendship more than ever. My wife supports and loves me. she has been my rock and by my side through all the terrible things that has happened to me in the last decade, but Mike was a godsend. A gift. Not a celebrity who had the financial means to Make a Wish for a very sick man. Lets get that out now. I don't want ANYONE to think for a second it was MIKES responsibility to pay for anything. He did for me what was priceless. He saved my life. That you can not cash a cheque on. No one forced him. It was a chain of events that happened like domino's and I never asked Mike for a single thing, nor will I ever. I know he is famous, I know he is a celebrity. But put that aside for a minute. Forget who he is. He is a human being who found another human being at the worst and lowest part of his life and saved him for no reason. And the very first thing Mike said to me (hope he doesn't get mad) is that he doesn't want an ounce of recognition. Yet I thank him every time we talk. Who wouldn't? If Mike worked down the street from me and was not famous, my friendship would be exactly the same. I might see him more, but that is it.<br />
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Just when I hit rock bottom, was the lowest of low. At my worst point. A friend helped me and that is what Id like YOU as the reader to take from this. Not some celebrity who wrote a cheque because he could. Mike did this because he wanted to. So please any nay sayers out there, please remove your head from your ass and know there was no motive behind anything.<br />
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If anyone wonders why, we same age, like same things have same interests and goals in life.We just two dudes who happen to appreciate one another. End of story.<br />
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Funny, and classic...numerous friend request popped up. Yet for years I been suffering these people don't call, don't contact me and now wanna know me cause I am on TV? Classic.<br />
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For starters, I know exactly how lucky I am. 100%. You don't have to tell me, remind me or say " nothing ever happens to me, why can't this happen to me"? That is a question only you can answer yourself. To Kristen and I, we feel like this was winning the lottery. I said almost everyday for 15 years that if I had won the lottery Id spend every cent trying to feel better. Just a better quality of life. It is all I ever wanted. The sicker I got in life, the less I cared about my hobby or certain things in life. I focused on hours or minutes I wasn't in severe pain to just being happy to walk the dog or get chicken at Costco. Literally that was the highlight of my weeks. My wife and I wouldn't plan things because chances are Id be in to much pain, arrive late, leave early or not go. That has been my life for a decade. My wife and I's life revolved around me, my pain and doctors appointments. Do you know I seen more Doctors in 2 weeks than friends in an entire year? And for anyone wondering. A text, a facebook message is NOT REAL RELATIONSHIPS. It is an extension but in no way any part of having human contact. Being isolated at home sucks. I spoke many times to Mike about isolation and mental health. Human contact is very important. I think more needs to be done in this respect for mental health.<br />
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Someone said to me recently...What do you mean you have no time? Umm last week I was down for 120 hours....you work 40 hours a week. What do you mean what do I do with my time? Pain is a full time job with more overtime than you will ever do! I wasn't mad. Just people have no clue. They assume that because they had a migraine once or back pain that I must be able to tolerate it like they do. As far as I know and doctors here have told me. I am the only case...so how could you possibly compare? I dunno.<br />
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So as the GoFundMe was going, my local news station CTV London did a news story on us. Then Halifax Global contacted me. And since have seen it on hundreds of websites and radio so it looks like we made the news! This helped create awareness not only for what Mike was doing but the disease itself.<br />
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Fun Fact: NO ONE ever has 1 cluster headache. So if you think you had 1. You did not. This is a very rare neurological disease of the brain in the hypothalamus. This isn't adjustment with a back crack or by drinking more water. There is NO CURE. and most of us cash out, try it and don't succeed. Please for the love of all survivors out there. Never tell anyone of us "Its just a headache". They don't do multiple brain surgeries for just a headache. No NARCOTIC on the planet is strong enough to stop one of these. Typically, pure oxygen with a non-rebreather mask can help shorten an attack. Pscilocybin has been a very effective treatment but again not a cure. There is other treatments that are beneficial yet not everyone reacts the same to medications. not everyone can tolerate it and others it doesn't work or stops working. Please understand I have my own version of this disease and if sadly you have it then you have your version. No two cluster heads are the same.<br />
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Mike had cranked out over 100 cameo videos, we had raised almost $9500 on GoFund Me and at the last minute Redecan.ca the largest marijuana producer in Ontario found out about this and offered return airfare. Incredible. It was happening. for the first time in years I had HOPE. People say all the time. I hope it works out, or we hope to see you again. That is not the same thing as holding on to a thread for dear life and someone offers you HOPE.<br />
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All this was happening so fast. Our heads were spinning. It was surreal and hard to comprehend. I felt like a celebrity because people were talking about me. It was weird and very overwhelming. I can totally see why some celebrities have difficulty handling everything. Overwhelming doesn't even justify the emotions we both felt.<br />
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Next thing I knew Mike had made a detailed itinerary for us as neither of us had been to NYC let alone anywhere in years. I was scared. But Mike took care of every detail from the flight to hotel to food to taxi. We could have NOT done this without him.All the time the set aside for us from making GoFundMe to cranking out videos and setting all of this up he did by himself on his own time. I never once asked for anything. He did everything.<br />
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We flew from here in London Ontario to New York and had Stem Cell Treatment.<br />
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The procedure was easy. They said it might hurt or pressure but it did hurt. Not much but a poke and sensation that I don't think I have ever experienced so just a foreign pain which I welcomed with open arms considering the last 15 years, and having my head drilled into awake. So to me this was easy peasy.<br />
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The nurse came in, prepped me and then Dr. Calapai came in, froze the area and then removed bone marrow. We then waited for the stem cells to be extracted. The nurse came in shortly after, gave me an IV and then I had a nasal canula type inhaler for stem cells and then last a nasal drip into my brain.<br />
I think a total of one hour and a half there? It happened very quickly. I regret not getting a photo with Dr.Calapai.<br />
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Literally the next day my "Aphasia" reduced 80% overnight. Aphasia is something that started about 6 months prior to all of this and was progressing everyday worse. Aphasia is difficulty speaking, either a stutter like or can't get words out of mouth. 6 months ago it started once a week then once a day then it got so bad it happened almost every time I spoke. Also the doctor asked me NOT to take any anti-inflammatory for a month. Which I welcomed because Id eat 6 a day just to walk because of my back and scatica. Literally overnight 50% sciatica pain gone. It still hurts and its borderline take a pill but because I hate pills I just rather suck it up. I only took Robax (Costco brand) so I could get out of bed and walk. Sciatica pain is relentless. I got 4-5x a day spikes where it could be so bad you could shed a tear. Well, I haven't taken 1 single anti inflammatory since I been home. Only once I thought I wish I could take one but did not. Pretty fucking good if you ask me.<br />
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So the first night there after treatment I was wound for sound, pure adrenaline ! I usually am in bed by 9 so it was midnight, I had NOT taken my 9 pm meds for my head (torodol) and thought maybe I should not take my pill and see what happens? Stupid mistake as Stem Cells only been injected less than 12 hours ago. I paid for it dearly the next morning puking and lost 7 hours in bed feeling really bad. I guess I got overzealous. After that, I thought ok Ill try again in a coupe months but cut back on dosage. Ill give the stem cells chance to heal me. I realize I was just excited.<br />
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So now its June 4 as I write this. My aphasia is gone 90% now. My back is slowly getting better. Being spring I am trying to walk my dog weather permitting everyday. I know my head and the 4 different headaches I survive ( Clusters, Migraines, Tensions and 4th undiagnosed headache) will take some time. The stem cells can take up to 2 years to be at maximum effect and I am OK with that. I been sick almost 15 years. What is another 2 years? Nothing in hindsight.<br />
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One thing that I never expected was this gift of joy. I literally have woken up every single day with a gigantic smile on my face. I forgot how much I never smiled anymore. How I lost that. My family has noticed the change in my demeanor, my character and overall well being. I look back at the last 15 years and its a shock I am still alive with what I went through. I was told by everyone I was a bad ass mofo who was strong. Yet I never once felt strong. I felt weak and defeated just about everyday of my life. As if I was drowning and only breathing through a straw getting a gasp of air every so often.<br />
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I rarely complained to the people I love how bad it was....and it was. no human should live the way I did. No one should suffer that much. It really is a miracle I am still here. The disease took so much from my life. I lost a marriage, friends, a career, my son, my ability to travel and enjoy life, My self worth and mental health, and my vanity. I've lost over 25,000 hours of my life bare minimum. Do you know how much 25,000 hours is? That is almost 3 years of my life. I been sick for 15 but 3 years was 100% suffering from just Cluster headaches!!!! That is a low bare minimum number. So for the next 3 years of your life you will suffer every nano second of every day of every minute for 3 years.Eventually it wears the strongest of humans down. Put that into perspective for a moment. Have you ever rammed your head through drywall because your brain hurt so bad you wanted to knock yourself out? Ever punched yourself so hard you gave yourself a black eye? Ever broken 4 headboards from pain smashing your face into it? Ever had a headache so bad you wanted to kill yourself just to stop the pain? Have you ever jumped in front of a bus because you seen no hope? Have you ever been afraid to go to sleep? I have for 15 years. Everyday.Have you ever planned your own suicide? Ever had a disease that was invisible and some thought you were faking it or playing it up? That is a Polaroid snap shot of my life. That isn't even 1/1000th of my life.<br />
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This all changed in April this year. When a friend reached out and offered help. At the absolute lowest part of my life. I was planning to die on my terms. I wanted to die because I had enough, my quality of life was diminishing by the second. My hope was gone 100%. I was ONLY trying to see midnight and my wife's love could no longer keep me here.<br />
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That all changed when Mike offered something no one has offered. HOPE.<br />
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At first I didn't take him seriously. Why because how could he help? I knew who he was but how? When he said he knew a doctor personally who wanted to hear my story, I felt I just won the lottery. I was literally planning my suicide just before Mike spoke to me. Mike knew I was sick. But not how sick. I've never asked him but as far as I knew he only knew about the clusters. Not everything else. When he found out i think he fully understood how serious I was in dying and how bad my life was.<br />
He knew right away I wasn't depressed. I wanted to live but why? My wife and I could barely plan a movie on the weekend. Every time we would pre pay movie tickets we knew most likely we couldn't go. We had not been anywhere in years. The highlight of my week was usually getting roasted chicken at Costco if I felt well enough to leave. Yet if people seen me getting groceries they thought there is nothing wrong with him.<br />
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I haven't even mentioned isolation of being sick. Anyone who is sick will understand people don't call, don't visit, don't ask anymore. Dunno what to say. So, it is what it is. Whoever is healthy and reads this please take my advice.....facebook is NOT real life friendships. If you have a sick friend, human contact is what we need. Not some stupid fucking meme or poke. Not even texting. GO FUCKING visit them. I see more doctors in 2 week period than I see in a year!!! I deleted 300 people off my facebooka year ago. Why? I had not heard from them in over a year. Not once. I wasn't on fakebook for popularity contest. Then when I ended up on TV with all of this the facebook friend request was overwhelming. I thought to myself, where the fuck you been when I was suffering?<br />
And because I am friends with a celebrity? My real friends were my friends before this and will be after. The dumbest question I been asked is "Where you been?" I fail to understand the question as I am sick and you are healthy so please ask again in a way I will understand! I know I was there for them when they had struggles in their life. I must be a really shitty human being for people to not visit me.<br />
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My 3rd brain surgery, was a result of an infection travelling to my brain. So they had to remove everything and then re install everything which meant a 4th brain surgery. So its literally my 40th birthday. Yup, the BIG" Four O". I'm laying in the hospital room on my side. I wake up and can hear my wife crying relentlessly. I ask whats wrong? She says nothing. I said is it the staples in my head? No, is it my chest? No. Why are you so upset?.....Where is your friends? She asks. 4 brain surgeries, 1 40th birthday and my closest of closest friends of 25+ years no where to be seen or heard of. So personally I know it felt to be abandoned. Yeah a shit story. Yeah it hurt, Yeah it sucked. But they have to live with it, not me. Cowards and nothing more.<br />
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So this opportunity for Kristen and I to have a better quality of life was welcomed with open arms. Even if it didn't help. I was 100% willing to try and keep trying because ultimate Mike saved my life and I was grateful beyond words.<br />
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I know my head will take time. It may not help me, but it may help me have a better quality of life. Taking away the aphasia was nice but it wasn't pain. Taking half my sciatica pain away meant immediately less anti inflammatory which means less stomach aches. Mental health is 100%. I have not felt this alive in 15 years, Seriously. You can NOT punch the smile off my face. The moment my eyes open I am smiling. I go to bed smiling. I smile during the day for no reason. I can't remember the last time I have done that. Even my wedding with Kristen I was struggling to make it to midnight and feared attacks.<br />
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It has been just over a couple weeks now. I look forward to the next 2 years of getting better everyday. I look so forward to the future now. We have even planned things this summer. Something I haven't done for years. My wife deserves a healthier me. She has been by my side from the worst of it and I am so grateful she is here to see the HOPE we share together. She never ran off like a coward. She has never once complained to me about my health and has always put a brave smile on for everyone else. She is an unsung hero PERIOD. Mike is my hero. And will always be.<br />
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As for anyone who thinks Mike shoulda paid for everything outta pocket or think because he is doing well its his nickle.....remember he saved my life first for free. He made over 100 videos on his time and uploaded and sent each video on his time. Mike took care of every single detail from the flight to hotel to food to taxis and places to go see while there. He literally texted me 100 x a day to ensue everything went smooth an concise and even now we talk about my health and how things are going. All this while working full time, raising a family and all the obligations that go along with his life. Yet every text I sent him I felt guilty taking time away from his family. He never once complained to me or said back off. I know Mike lives a life Ill never understand and I live a life he doesn't understand fully. But that doesn't matter to neither of us. We are friends. That is it. That is all that matters to me I wish him more continued success in life and not remotely jealous of his success or lifestyle nor will I ever be. I am happy for him. What is in someone's wallet means jack shit. What is in someone's heart does. How you treat others is how you are remembered.<br />
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In time I am confident my health will get better. My goal is to get off Torodol. Its destroying my kidneys and the 1-3 hour a day bathroom I am really tired off. If I get off Torodol, that means my head will be better, my kidneys will be better. I wont have 3 hour bathroom visits. I will sleep better and not on a controlled sleep patter as everyday of my life is controlled when I sleep and wake up because of this damn medication. I can not sleep in, I can't go to bed early and within hours without the medication I am throwing up moaning in bed lifeless. I hope in time ill get better. If not, back to the drawing board but I can check off how other things got way better.<br />
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I am hoping this ends up in a documentary to help others who lost hope. To help those considering Stem Cell therapy as a positive experience to help them with their health. In fact I have refereed 2 people already to Dr. Calapai! I have a buddy who really could benefit from it.<br />
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That is the ONLY thing out of all of this I really wish that could happen. I have friends who are sick with other health problems and I would love nothing more than to see them get treatment too, It sucks getting help and not being able to help those you care about. That would have been the one wish I had through all of this is to help others.<br />
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You maybe reading this not knowing who I am as a person but I hope you comprehend how grateful I am at this. I never asked for any of this and know 1000% how lucky I am.<br />
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I thought this blog today would update some questions people have had about my treatment.<br />
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I am so so grateful for every single person who helped with this and know your investment in me is working. Kristen and I are humbled beyond any measure of words. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. I owe my life to Mike and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. Thank you www.redecan.ca for the flight, thank you Swearnet/The Trailer Park Boys for all the support, thank you to everyone who donated and especially for my wife for never giving up on me.<br />
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Never give up hope. Your life can change in a nano second for the better.<br />
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Thank you everyone.<br />
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ClusterHeadSurvivorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15651147838245675132noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6448091364087872624.post-71669309547556531162019-05-10T06:54:00.005-04:002019-05-10T06:54:53.354-04:00Go Fund Me started by Mike Smith aka Bubbles from The Trailer Park Boys<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If you know me personally, or follow my journey, than you are well aware its NOT just cluster headaches I live with. It is much ore than that. Chronic migraines too, as well as Sciatica, neuropathic pain and so much more than that. Pain is pain. In many forms,levels and severity. In 14 years I haven't gone a day without some sort of severe chronic pain. But this isn't abut trumping anyone's pain.<br />
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I have become friends with Mike Smith, the actor who plays Bubbles on the TV/Movie series The Trailer Park Boys. Aside form being a huge fan, I am also his friend. Yes, he means that much to me. If Mike was a plumber, he would still be thought of equally.<br />
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Now here is the harsh part to read but true.<br />
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December 31,2008 when I jumped in front of a bus in Miami, I thought then I was at the lowest of low I had reached. Since this past September, my last appointment with the pain clinic was my last and final hope. But they told me there is no more tests to be done, no more referrals, n more nothing. and Sir" We are very sorry, we do not know what is wrong with you and btw, the medications you are on will end your life sooner if you continue to stay on them". Before anyone worries, they are NOT narcotics. Narcotics do not help this pain. I have been offered everything.<br />
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Everyday, I got a bit worse. Not much but day after day, week after week, month after month, And after years of fighting an additional pain on top of all the other things were taking a toll on me mentally and physically.<br />
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My wife worried everyday, wondering if I would still be here when she got home from work. I would tell her, don't be sad when I am gone one day. Be happy I am no longer in pain. My fiend who passed away last month understood this. His passing, I wished it was me.<br />
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I am not depressed. I am in a circumstance that would kick anyone's ass. Isolation is probably the worst. It has only added to my heart break.<br />
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I was really struggling bad. And one day a friend was like "Hey Man, how ya doing?". And I basically verbally diarrhea all over him. I could have lost a friend by dumping this all over him. And at that exact moment. it could have been anyone on the other end listening to me cry. That person was Mike Smith. I do not refer to him as an actor, a celebrity or a Trailer Park Boy. He is Mike to me. I love him.<br />
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Mike reached out to me as a friend and offered help. At first I was like thanks Bro, ad then realized he was serious. Dead serious. The very first thing he said to me was " I don't want any acknowledgement, I don't want this about me". He said . "I am going to do everything in my power to help you". An offer no one has given me after I lost all hope.<br />
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Mike literally saved my life. As much as I love my wife, she can't fix or heal or take my pain away. Only sit there in horror.and watch me suffer helpless. My wife deserves way better than this. She deserves a healthier version of me.<br />
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Within a couple days, a Go Fund Me was up, he is making personalized videos for fans on www.cameo.com (links for all below). and is doing everything in his power to help.<br />
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I am still in total shock, awe and we both are so humbled by his offer, kindness and generosity.<br />
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In the past few days of watching the video,ad watching donations come in, we are so appreciative of every dollar raised, every tweet, Facebook share, everything that everyone has contributed. Kristen and I are so grateful and humbled. Thank you everyone!<br />
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I make less than $10,000 a year on CPP disability. So any dollar raised means as much to us as much as more than 1 dollar raised. Equally grateful no matter what amount. I know $5 for some is a lot as it would be to us.<br />
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We plan on heading to NYC to a friend of Mike's who does Stem Cell Therapy to try to help me. This Doctor has taken great interest in my case and wants to try to give me a better quality of life. We both feel in our hearts we won the lottery. I know I struck gold with my wife but twice? Yes, I am eternally grateful to this man, and my wife for struggling with me by my side and never once ran off like a coward.<br />
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Not all super hero's wear capes. Some wear thick glasses and love kitties.<br />
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Here is the links.<br />
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<a href="https://london.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=1677902&fbclid=IwAR0TZhWB_DeUCu3kRbl-sC_qo_66MbLueTVBLjd4Id8HxR7md5nI0Vz_mbU" target="_blank">CTV London News story CLICK HERE</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.gofundme.com/cluster-headache-treatment-needed" target="_blank">GO FUND ME CLICK HERE</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.cameo.com/bubblestpb" target="_blank">To book BUBBLES for video message CLICK HERE</a><br />
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