Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Death- Being Remembered

I guess you could say since my mothers passing that death has been on my mind alot lately. People do tend to ponder about life after a loved one has passed.

As a Christian I believe in my heart that mom is with Christ. But this blog is not to prove or argue the validity behind my faith. But I know in my heart where mom is.

I lost my dog at the beginning of summer and I was still grieving abut him when my mom passed.

With all the chaos that ensued during moms 33 days dying in the hospital I had no time to process what was happening or grieve after. I am still numb after the fact.

But I sit back and reflect not only on my moms life but anyone's life for that matter. How not a single thing tangible can be taken with you when we pass. Nothing. Every single thing we have accumulated in life is left behind including memories. What happens to us when we die is only to be found out once we are gone.

Mom has left us. Mom believed and I agreed that if you didn't come see me when you are alive don't bother when I am gone. I believe that. I also believe you have no right to feel any loss, remorse, grief after the fact if you were not there for her when she was alive or anyone for that matter. You don't have the right to feel loss if you don't make an effort when they are alive. You do not deserve that right. If a famous person dies that you admired when they were alive for their work, ability or talent that is far different than knowing someone. For myself it is Elvis, I admired his music, his philanthropy and his dedication for helping others,

But when someone dies what are they remembered for? Not what they have. You may assimilate a tangible item they had but not who they were. I maybe remembered for the 70+ cars I owned but its not who I am as a person.

It is what you did for others. Who you were not are. What you done to help the world and leave it in a better place than when you got here.

I often think about my mom and it makes me smile how she loved to cook and mom lived to please others. I get that from my mom. I am the same way. Except for cooking. My mom lived to serve. It made her happy making others happy. Its who she was. That is how I remember her.

We all make stupid lifestyle decisions in life and look back thinking why the heck did I do that, It could have killed me. In moms case it did. So if you are looking in the mirror and have the ability to change something that could affect your health then do it. I'm sure mom would go back in time and change if she could. I made a decision myself over 4 years ago to quit smoking and stuck with it, my wife made a decision to quit drugs and alcohol 10 years ago and stuck with it. No such word as can't.

Many times we all ponder in life what our calling is. What our purpose in life is. What is important to us now and tomorrow. Our purpose in life isn't 9-5. I searched many years within myself to find out what my calling is. I always thought it would be cars being a gear head. It wasn't. It is this. Its helping others through my blog and other forms of social media and helping others with cluster headaches, and being the best advocate I can be. Aside from raising my son as my legacy id like to be remembered for what I did for others. Not what I had.

I no longer cry when I think of how bad my dog had it the first 3/4 of his life abused and neglected and homeless from the previous owner. I smile and think that I gave him the best 2.5 years of his life.
One day I will no longer cry and think how much mom suffered in the hospital the last 33 days of her life but smile when I think of her and how great of a mom she was to me. How incredible she was an OMA to my son, husband to my dad and mother to my wife. Sister to her family, friend to those she loved and to all the people she cooked for.If you met my mom you made a friend and left with a full tummy.

Reflecting in death can be a sad time, and a time of peace.

Twice I have wanted to die to suicide. My faith and family kept me alive. I have lost many to the disease of cluster headaches through suicide. Recently I found out a friend of mine lost her husband to suicide. Seeing her, talking with her made me realize that traumatic effect this has had on her life and family. How devastating it can be. I felt horrible to think that when I wanted to die that this is what I would have caused.  Suicide and death is a very touchy subject. it shouldn't be. There is not shame in asking for help and none giving it. Where is my reason for wanting to die was strictly based on pain not mental but that makes no difference. If someone is suffering get them help asap.

Reflecting on death can be humbling,sad, peaceful, remorseful, angry and bitter. Its how one chooses to accept their passing. Everyone is different. There is 5 stages of loss (see blog below) and its a process. Not every one goes through things at the same speed. That is ok.

Death has no favorites. Doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, young, old, nice or an asshole. Everyone has a time card. Its up to YOU what to do with your time while you are here. To live in remorse before you die, guilt for woulda shoulda coulda because EXCUSES are ONLY good coming from the person saying them, or live in regret.

Live life happy, only look down on someone if you are helping them up with your hand out. Be kind, Pay it forward. Because if all you think about is what you have, if you are better than everyone else because you have a good job, nicer house,bigger wallet, You will be remember as an asshole.

I have nothing and only hope to be remember for what I did to help others.
I live in peace.

RIP mom, I love and miss you very much.

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