Friday, August 23, 2013

2 years ago I write this at this very time...

2 years ago today I had my 1st of 4 brain surgeries. It was Occipital Nerve Stimulation (ONS). At this very moment of typing this blog I was under the knife. I was ever so scared. In fact I woke up during surgery. I felt the tugging in my head. I discuss the surgery below at the bottom of this blog (scroll down to read more).

Today, I am not celebrating my 1st brain surgery because its not something I enjoy to relive. Today I am celebrating with my beautiful wife how proud we are to be SMOKE FREE 2 years TODAY !!!

At this very moment I was under the knife 2 years ago today. My wife and I both agreed to try cold turkey. It was much harder for her because I had brain surgery and the luxury of being sedated, in a gross amount of pain, unable to move, leave or just have a smoke.

My wife was stuck in the waiting room with family waiting for the results. The stress of my well being and faith in the surgery being successful was stressful enough to contemplate and adding to that wanting a cigarette would have been a very nail biting experience for her. But she pulled it off.

I had the crutch of being sick, recovering from surgery(not that it was any fun). But I couldn't move without vomiting for days so it was a heck of allot easier for me.

M wife did it cold turkey. No doubt we argued, got mad for no reason as the with drawl symptoms were bad but we applied the 12 steps to help treat the addiction of smoking.

For almost a year I still craved a cigarette. My wife not so much. But me, Id see it on TV or if I saw someone smoking I wanted one. But I knew as soon as I had 1 drag. Id be screwed. Also if I smelled a cigarette I wanted to vomit. The mere smell on someone, in their skin, clothes, house, ashtrays smells like SH*T. That always reminded me how I smelt bad.

MY dad who I love, is a cancer survivor. My dad had a full lyrengectomy. He is a neck breather and speaks with a speaking aid machine. That was over 10 years ago. I tried quitting smoking for years off and on. I spent thousands of dollars. I tried the patch, ziban,hypnosis, cold turkey,gum, laser treatment, acupuncture,pills,potions,programs.

No crutch worked. They didn't work because I made excuses.
For any smoker who does not have CH. Read this....I have the worlds most painful disease on the planet. 90% of my attacks are brought on by stress. Cigarettes always calmed me down..(as I believed then). If I can quit having the worlds most painful disease.....anyone can. Don't make excuses.

A guy I know who I started smoking with at 15 said to me...if you want a cigarette, go look in the mirror and call yourself a loser. Because that's what you are.....a loser. Big nasty hurt full words. But they worked because there were many days I so wanted a smoke. I never once called myself a loser.

Today at the 2 year anniversary for us...I have no cravings. The smell makes me want to puke even more. I feel very bad I smoked for 25 years. I sure as hell don't want to end up like my dad. Or my mom who refuses to quit.  Ironically, my mom today is having knee surgery.I hope she quits. She is only going to kill herself smoking at 70 years old. There is no way she will ever see my son get married. I can not make her quit. I pray her surgery goes well.

Congrats to my beautiful wife who I respect and love more and more everyday. I can not imagine what my wife went through trying to quit as my head was being operated on and maintaining a smoke free home for us. I love you babe. Thank you for being my support day in and day out.

To anyone wanting, trying, thinking of quiting. You can do it.

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