Thursday, May 4, 2017

I woke up today.....

I woke up today....

Like I do every morning. I wake up to the gurgle of my stomach in pain. Telling me you are no longer allowed to sleep and hopefully make it to the washroom.

Trying not to stub my toe with eyes half shut, I cup my mouth trying not to puke. I feel nauseous, queasy and my head hurts something terrible,

Between 1-5 usual bathroom visits, I try to inhale my cup of coffee to wake up as I swallow a handful of medications which chances are doing more harm than good.

I sit on the computer for3-5 hours every morning until my meds "Kick In". Sometimes I go back to bed. Sometimes it feels like no medication is working. But I can not take more because of doing more damage than good.

After an hour my IBS-d is under control if I am lucky. I have taken an Omisolve paper on my tongue to help stop nausea and vomiting. Because I am allergic to gravol.

Maybe in 3-5 hrs of sitting on the computer, I can go have a shower. Maybe.

Who knows what today will bring. But I woke up today.

I make all my doctor appointments after 12 even though I am awake at 6 am.

Depending on the head pain is dependent on the weather.

Rain is almost a guaranteed factor in a migraine. A migraine will almost hit exactly 1 hour before it rains. Cluster Headaches have absolute no pattern, rhyme nor reason. Tension headaches come like a woodpecker, Relentless and annoying. And this undiagnosed head/neck pain that is 24/7.

You would think I would be very slim with a number of washroom visits or vomiting but it's quite the opposite. You do not get much exercise laying in a bed. The pain is so bad you can not sleep but lay there and pray you nod off. Which ultimately never happens. This can be a half a day or days.

If my body really tests me I get a series of headaches at once. Yes, I have had more than one head pain at a time. It is no picnic. Trying to treat once headache while battling another is tough. You ask yourself which medication do I want to get sick from. Which headache hurts more.

As I sit in the office my sciatica acts up and only gives me more reason to go back to bed as the pain in my back causing sciatica to flare up numerous times a day.

Despite all of this, the IBS-d is usually controlled with medication that actually works.

Each day that passes, I await the results of my MRI. After 3 cat scans, Numerous X-rays, and an MRI for this undiagnosed head pain. I pray they find something wrong. Why? So they can treat it.

The medication I been on is a very very short term. I have been on its way to long potentially ruining my kidneys. I am praying today a diagnosis. I am more afraid of being told I am fine than an actual problem. The quality of my life has diminished. I only function because of medication.  This new headpain is not onset or acute. It is 24/7 for 1 year now.

It is not all in my head. There is something gravely wrong with me.

With diagnosis comes treatment. At this point, My appointment today seeing the neurologist is my only hope. She has given me an array of medications to suggest over the course of the next 11 months and if none work I go back on the 18-month waiting list to see a neurologist.

Somehow I manage with a couple minutes here and there to make a vlog on being positive. some days I wonder how and some days I can not. But I know there is someone out there needing my vlogs to get through their day. struggling for hope, Positivity, and encouragement. Even I need my positive vlogs to lift me up.

I am human. I bleed, I hurt. I cry, I smile. I can not give up this torture in my head. As my head explodes every single day of my life. I try to find solace in my day in some form or another.

I count my blessings for my life before I got sick.  And for now when it is not that bad.

If you see me. Consider yourself as lucky as I do as well...


No comments:

Post a Comment