Before you read this, look in the mirror.
Many of us in life ask ourselves
"Why?". Why did this have to happen to me? Why did it happen now? What could I have done to prevent it? What could I have done to stop it? Was it something I did? I am a good person why did it happen to me instead of a bad person? Why is it bad things always happen to me?
Most of these questions we have asked ourselves when we got sick or at the very least when we got diagnosed. Usually the first question is "What the fuck is happening to me? and followed by am I going to die?" Those two questions during out first attacks are pretty much verbatim of any cluster head from day 1. If I missed the first question please post below.
Now we are sick, now we eventually get diagnosed....then a series of other questions come to play. Is there a cure? There has to be a cure. No one can live like this (ok last one was more of a statement). How do I stop these and what can I do to prevent them.
Not sure in your CH life where you are at with these questions but if you are not there yet you will be.
I don't think it matter what stage of the game we are at with this disease. Whether a newbie with a million questions or a seasoned survivor like me with a few answers. Oh and by the way....the more seasoned, the less questions you will ask and the less answers you may have on Laying Blame.
In life and in the CH community there is a wealth of information. And its up to you to find it and ask.
You may not hear the answer you want to. But knowledge is key with this disease. You may not like the answer but its an answer. When getting these answers, look in the mirror. Because it might be you giving the answer next time. Compassion goes a long way.
For many years I tried to lay blame on circumstantial events in my life that caused me to get sick. But does it really matter? Does it matter what, who, where,why and how to blame. It can't change anything. The only thing you can change is your attitude on how to live. One huge difference between Europeans and North Americans is that Europeans live to work, not like us where we work to live. Perspective on life is different. I know people in life who always lay the blame on others. " it was their fault this happened to me, or he/she done it and its why I am the way I am". Horseshit.
You are the result of your choices in life. You are responsible for your outcome. You are you in the mirror. You didn't make yourself sick but you made yourself happy, angry,sad, because you have health concerns.
It is perfectly normal in my opinion to have a bad day, have a painful day, be worn out, be exhausted mentally and physcially. That is ok. I am the winner winner chicken dinner award winner of those days. But if I have a great day. I am sure as hell gonna use it and enjoy it the very best I can.
I have a very beautiful wife who is so full of life. It is not her fault and she lays no blame on me for being sick. She has accepted my disease and didn't run the other way like a fucking coward. But my good days means as much to her as me so I give 110% of myself to her on those good days. She deserves to live not just survive like me too. If you don't have a spouse maybe your child or friends or relatives may want to enjoy a great day with you.
Us cluster heads suffer alot. More than any human alive should. So when we have a great day, Don't waste negative energy on why, blaming and life. Move forward. Smile more, be kind to one another. Love life. Help someone who is down if you can. Take a me day and recharge your batteries. It can be a book, a TV show, walk in the park, day at the beach, a car show, concert, dinner. Or just helping someone you love. The rewards are amazing and will help you through those dark days.
I don't profess to have all the answers. Even now at present I have a very close friend who is fighting a battle he is not gonna win. But I have to smile more, be kind and keep loving life. There is no choice for me. I don't lay blame. its stupid and a waste of energy. Forgive, move forward. Live and let live.
I choose to love life.