Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Update on health, EMS ride, and fun times, NOT

I'm just letting some know....I'm really struggling lately. Struggling with allot of things due to my health. I had programming a little over a month now. Last week I went to the dentist. Like I have gone a thousand times. I even had an abscess tooth a week prior to my 4th brain surgery. I had a root canal. Anyway, was nothing new.

As I layed in the chair as soon as the drill came out, I got upset. Eyes watered pretty good and started to cry. I tried everything I could to hide it wearing sunglasses but the tears rolled past and the hygienist and dentist saw. They comforted me and asked if I needed a minute. No one said a word but they knew that the drill reminded me of having brain surgery and being awake as my head was drilled into.

About an hour later and almost done the dentist did 3 cavities and said OK, we clean now. Next thing I know the room is spinning 1000 miles an hour. I wanna vomit and my eyes rolling back in my head.
Last time I felt this was during brain surgery when they turned on the pacemaker in my chest wires to my brain and I felt like this, but this time it was worse and no surgeon there. They stopped. I tried to sit up...bad move.Made things worse. This was lasting minutes which felt like hours. I panicked. Scared shit less i started to cry. Now I am freaking out thinking am I dying? Whats happening and why? They called me an ambulance.

3rd floor of a renovated house to business. Yup 270lbs and top floor and cant walk let alone move.
The 12 min it took seemed like weeks. They came and popped me in a chair, secured me and took me down the stairs. I started to dry heave and black out. Got in ambulance and my wife arrived by taxi. Said grab my car get son from school meet me at hospital. The whole way to ER the paramedic had a shocked horrified puzzled look on his face in utter disbelief....You have what wired to your brain for what: Huh, I have never heard of that. Intrigued.

Got to Er  and by this time felt better but still dizzy. Shortly after wife and son arrive. Thank God. Their presence comforts me since my friends are gone. The ER doctor came, ordered test. did some cognitive testing, blood work,etc. Found sugar was low but not extreme.

Few hours later the ER doctor who was very kind said 'Look, you have been through a horrible amount of things in life and continue to do so daily. The dentist is normal. Happens everyday but I don't think your depressed, I think you have PTSD". and I think she is right.

Since last week I am still having dizzy spells. None like I experienced at the dentist but more grabbing the chair in fear of flying off as the room spins. I get a couple a day. Usually in the morning or night.

I am waiting to hear from my surgeon to get a referral.
Last thing I want is more meds. If therapy can help great. I will admit. I am still scared shirtless. I really thought I was dying in the chair. I thought that was it.

Not to mention all the stuff above. I been getting my fair share of attacks. I am quite exhausted and quite fatigued. Anytime i do work around house. Or try to go to the gym, I get an attack at the gym, or immediately after or I am way to  tired to go. Its really hard to explain to a non CHr that a 1 hour attack feels like a 12 shift at a factory slugging my but off. Its flight or fight and my body naturally wants to kill the best that come sin my head so it fights with a vengeance. This is the most important reason I call myself a survivor. Because I fight to live. There is no other option for me.

In essence. I'm really tired. I can not sleep in, I cant rest. my mind goes 24/7 ,my body is on time out. if I am not dizzy. I'm exhausted. If  am not dizzy I am having an attack. if its somewhere in between I am cleaning, cooking or trying to collect my thoughts to persevere 1 more day.

Despite my life. I am so grateful for my wife and my son. I do not know where I would be without them.


1 comment:

  1. Sir, the fact that you can go throw a cluster headache and still talk about God w/o no hatred is truly a testament. I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. Keep your eyes on Jesus. He makes all things bearable for his children. I know that I wouldn't be able to handle things as you do.